Hi Eva, did you write ...not one more lullaby? It's absolutely beautiful. Thank you for posting it. MarieSte x

Thank you Eva for your comment to my wall. This is a hard journey for sure. Your images on the slideshow say so much...

Dear Eva,

     As I read over your posts my heart broke for you. At a time when it would seem to me your mother would draw close to you, she pulled away. I don't understand her. Maybe I should be glad I don't understand her but one thing I know for sure, God will not turn his back on you. God does not "take" our loved ones. Lea B.W has it right - prayer is powerful and helps us get to know God as a friend.

     Please read this article on line: “He Is the God . . . of the Living”

     In God's eyes, the resurrection of your daughter is so sure to happen that she is alive to him. So how can we come to have faith in that? Prayer is the first step. Then we need to find out what the Bible says about our loved ones who have passed away.. What was God's original purpose for the earth and all humans? Has that purpose changed. The answers from the Bible will help you cope till wickedness and death are gone forever.

     Lean on God in prayer and he promises:

(Philippians 4:6, 7) Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:13) For all things I have the strength by virtue of him who imparts power to me.

Listen closely to the words of this Bible based song. It is as thought God is speaking to us as his children. Be Wise My Son

In the second stanza are found these words:

Rejoice and take pleasure

Eva, 

The pain that we face is unbearable at times.  Praying is not just a feel good therapy.  Prayer is a way for us to draw close to God.  God has a personal name.  In fact he urges us to pray to him using His name.  He does answer our prayers.  It can be in a subtle way, perhaps through unexpected friends, perhaps through something we read in His word that gives us a genuine hope for the future.  Luke 11:9'- urges "keep on asking and it will be given to you."  At this time you yearn to hold your loved ones again.   God will grant justice to those who cry out to him day and night... Luke 18:6-8 speaks of God doing this speedily.  If you lost something so dear and special to you, justice is only that what you lost is replaced and never lost again.  Jesus while on earth performed many miracles, why?  Each time giving glory to His Father.  It was because he was showing what can and will be done in the future. One of those miracles was the opportunity of individuals to have their loved ones brought back to them.  Jesus asking 3 times, showed the grief and pain he knew he would be undergoing as His Father's name would be slandered, and he himself as God's son would be brought on false charges.  Jesus' showed us that unlike our Original parents Adam and Eve who were perfect and did not remain loyal, that a Perfect man can be loyal to God.  Even amidst such trials.  Jesus knew he would be resurrected, his faith and loyalty to God is an example for us.  We are imperfect we strive to be better each day.  The only way we can get through it each day is with the help of God He gives us the power beyond what is normal.  You getting up each day, putting one foot in front of the other...you are stronger than you think! :) Keep going Eva, and keep seeking comfort everyday.. 

Feel free to message me anytime.  This weekend will be especially difficult as my best friend I lost 3 years ago shortly after she gave birth..her widow is getting remarried. I don't know why this brings up memories of that time.  SO I especially am taking my own advise and praying for extra strength and peace. I would not go but my husband is in the wedding.  So I will pray for comfort in my heart..but it does bring up the memory of that time all over again.  She left behind 3 kids.at that time the youngest was 2 months...I understand from a different angle....

Eva, How sad you were told that. ..Your loss is not a punishment from God.  In fact, the Bible speaks of this at James 1:13- When under trial let no one say, I am being tried by God" for with evil thigs God cannot be tried, nor does he himself try anyone."  I feel sad that someone would want you to believe that losing someone as precious as your daughter is a punishment from God.  God instead in his inspired word the Bible shows that the accidents and tragedies that occur are a result of what Ecc. 9:11 says,  'that time and unexpected events overtake us all.'  

In fact God sees the horrible pain that you are in and wants to correct this for you, for me, for all who seek to know him.  Eva you are a spiritual woman that is not religious, so you can appreciate that religion and the Bible are separate. Truly knowing the truth that the Bible speaks of can give you hope for the future.  No one may ever understand or comprehend all you have been through, but God does.  He sees all things.  He sees how badly you are being mistreated and knows how unfair and unloving this is.  The world we live in can be very harsh, but God sees this and will take action to make sure that all your needs and wants are met.  Including, the beautiful hope of seeing your loved ones again.  In the meantime, God does give us comfort and the power beyond what is normal to help sustain us.  There is hope for you, in fact you stated the same sentiments that Job a faithful worshiper of God expressed after losing all of his children tragically and being struck by an agonizing illness, leaving him isolated and distraught. If you have a Bible I urge you to read that account in JOB it shows how he had everything taken from him, but how he remained strong in his faith and how he was blessed for doing so.  But during this time, God was able to provide him the needed help and encouragement for him to keep going. 

My friend God can hear you if you call to him, and he will provide a way of comfort for you even when it seems like you cant go on any further.  The prophet Habakkuk cried out to God as he longed for him to intervene...asking the very questions of God we ask, "How long...must I cry for help, , but you do not hear?  How long must I ask for help from violence, but you do not intervene?" But the vision in chapter 2 of Habakkuk, he is answered as God reinforces, "For the vision is yet for its appointed time, and it is rushing toward its end, and it will not lie, Even if it should delay, keep in expectation of it! For it will without fail come true. It will not be late!"   The time when we will see, God intervene and will fulfill the promise found at John 5:28,29 speaks of a time when we can have a real hope of being reunited with our dead loved ones.  

I pray each day you have a little bit more comfort and can see the hope that is laid out for each one of us.  

Eva, to read your wall I cried.  This is such a heartbreaking loss..What a beautiful family you have... I know that right now things seem unreal.  We as human beings know that we may lose our loved ones, but I dont believe any of us are prepared for it, no matter if it is sudden or we know they were sick.  It is hole that stays with us forever.  I truly believe that time cannot heal that wound or loss of loved ones, instead their is only COMFORT we can seek.  Comfort from others and even God...I dont know your thoughts on that, but I found that praying helps to comfort me and reassure me that God will replace what we have lost.  I enjoy the scripture found at Isaiah 26:19 speaks of that time when we can see our loved ones again.  A dream to many but a powerful message and theme held throughout the Bible.  It helps me to have the hope and faith that this pain we feel is only temporary.   I am praying for your comfort and peace.  I know those beautiful memories of your daughter will help to keep her close to you in mind and heart.  Journaling helps as well to recall those times of joy and love you shared and to even write down things you would tell her if she were there.  Don't be afraid to think you will see her again... I have faith and trust that it can happen.  Revelation 21:3,4- 'God will wipe away your tears and Death will be no more..neither will mourning nor outcry...the former things have passed away'.  Thinking of you...this wall truly touched my heart.  You are surrounded by individuals who understand loss and who are here to encourage and help to comfort you during this most difficult time.  

Eva, I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter.  It never seems real.  I lost my 26 year old daughter in a car accident last August 17th. One minute there with us beautiful and healthy and then gone. Our brains can not accept their passing.  After 8 months I cry everyday but I am doing better than those first four months.  I never thought I would still be alive at this point, but you get up everyday,  survive and get through it by screaming and crying.  Be kind to yourself it does get easier to go on hard as it is to believe. Much love Lynn  

I am sorry for the loss of your precious daughter...what you said does not surprise me as I have heard other parents who felt their child had a certain "knowing". You are still in a lot of shock...make sure to self-care...

I read this grief counselor's web site early on...her name is Carol Kearns

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/overview.html