Night time is my nightly nightmare, It's the time I miss you the most

I go outside and gaze with eyes wide open at the shaded sky and melancholy moon

I search out the sky studded stars one by one 

I silently speak to each star and ask, is that you shining?…

The tears fall freely on my face tonight

My grief has to be seen

A journey full of heartbreak, 

And it all seems like a dream.

 …

I miss your smile Ste, your chin that was dimpled as if kissed by an angel and the way you squinted one eye

Missing the love and the life we shared

Imagining what you would be saying at every point of the day,I miss our conversations

Separated from you I'm lost without you by my side I miss your wise words & guidance

Sad that we can't laugh at the silliest things together and share…

two years after my wife passed away

Its sat,thinking of making my vodka orange juice stronger. My emotional outlets have been through massages.So I have put off starting off on a life of my own.Of course a good massage therapist will fill in that void for a whole hour to an hour and a half and then it back to square one .I  have come to a point and its hard I realize I have to though it out and its hard. Things come to mind and I coming back here from a long absence  Did I…

to my darling son shawn, everyday seems to get harder and harder to go on with out you. I cant remember what its like to sleep a full night, to not cry every day. to pray to go with you. how do I go on? how do I watch others smiling, laughing, shawn I need you so bad,i wear your things to bed I smell them all night long, ill never ever wash them, I need to know you have not left me alone. my heart feels like its slowly stopping, dear god I miss my baby, those beautiful big brown eyes that…

everyday I watch people, going on with there lives, my family and friends to.but I just cant with out you.  I don't understand how my sisters can do this.  my heart is so broken and they know it. once a week if im lucky they will call  and say hows everything going then they say ok bye. its like a 2 min call. I have begged them to talk about you, begged them to hear me out. but they just don't have time for me. and that hurts but nothing hurts as much as loseing you. I feel so broken so…

The death of a relative or a friend is never easy. But if someone has had the foresight to plan ahead, and has pre-paid for their funeral, it can help relieve a lot of the stress for those left behind. Prepaid funerals are a way to ensure unnecessary stresses and pressures are avoided before a funeral and can assist people left behind to concentrate on saying goodbye.

There are many reasons why arranging a funeral…

my beautiful son how I miss you with all my heart. my tears never stop. I want so bad to hear you, to hold you. why wont he take me to you, I pray every night to go with you. my pain is so deep , with out you  theres nothing left. it hurts to breathe, i wait  every day for you to come home, to phone me to call me  MOM . oh shawn please please help me. I cant go on with out you I just cant, I don't want to.  night god bless my son,  you are always the love of my life , we will be together…

Our Heaven

I’m a human he’s divine I’m on earth he’s in heaven he builds our cottage and plants our roots he prays with Jesus and shares his fruits…

I keep thinking that soon I'll wake up from this nightmare, but 'when' ?! The thing is, when my wife was around, I lost her when she was only 35, I used to be known for lighting up the moods when things got tense. I used to be known for making others laugh when things began to get too serious,especially when I'd look over at her to see a look of confusion or sadness. I used to be the one who came up with all the answers, making others laugh in order for others to get their minds off their…

as I read every ones letters, I sit here and cry, my heart is so broken with out my son ( shawn ) and I can feel your broken hearts to. we ask why? and never get answer, we ask to go to, and again no answer. how do we go on with them, that will never happen.  to be in this unbearable pain and have our friends leave us forever, our family hurt us even more. no one can see or under stand  or hear our crys. its been 10 months for me and it feels like yesterday. I want so bad to be with shawn…

Sometimes life can throw us off track or even throw us for a loop for reasons unknown..yet the ones who have not traveled this road know nothing of what we go threw..yet the ones who do go threw it have more strebght inside them than anyone will ever know. At times I see myself wanting to get angry at people who have parents then I stop and think if there parents went could they survive like me? 

its so hard to go on with out my son, everyday is so empty and lonely. I cant think, sleep  and some times its hard to breath. I know in my heart he can hear me, but  I would give any thing to hear him again. to feel him. I pray hes with my mom and happy. I keep telling him to come home now, oh god  I know he has healed his beautiful heart, now send him back to me. please god don't let nov 5 come please, I cant do this, 10 months with out him is way to long, im dieing in side, my tears could…

Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's murder. For the past year I have gone through a range of emotions from sadness, anger to emotional paralysis. Today I realized that I've been living in fog where I somehow imagined that he was just unavailable for my phone calls. Today I had to acknowledge that I will never see or hear him again. How is it that today is almost as bad as the day of his death?

It's been a year, and I still don't understand how another human being can…

This is the poem that we put on the funeral pamphlet for Brad. I often find myself reading this with hope that there is truth in it. It is a beautiful poem and I hope that it brings a little bit of comfort for those like me who feel so lost.

I know that they say it gets worse before it gets better and I am experiencing that to the fullest. I find that sleeping is one of the battles I face. I cry and the pain is unbearable at night laying in the bed that we shared for four years. I feel alone although I have friends trying to hold me up but it is hard for them when I have no will to even stand. I am struggling at work because of the exhaustion of no sleep and the struggle I am having to even think about the daily responsibilities…

There's never a day that goes by that I don't think about my wife, even after 16 years now(next month), some would expect me to be contemplating suicide yet I made a pact with her that I wouldn't as a promise to her. However, there's this odor, for lack of a more logical expression, that I can't ignore that seems to be coming from within me I can't get rid of. It's the same fragrance she had in her hair , it was so unique which led me to believe there was no shampoo…

today is ten months since my son went away. so much pain, and tears. I miss him more then life and with I was with him. still empty and lonely and so very lost with out my shawn. I beg him every day to come to me, let me hear mom again, let me hear I love you again. I ask how much longer I have to live with out him, to look into those big beautiful brown  eyes and those melting dimples. to see his smile and hear his voice, I want so much to bring him home to me, or take my hand and take me…

Tomorrow is so far away and even though i want to say tomorrow please be on your way i still havent finished what i started today..i get up get dressed i try not to forget breakfast it isnt even ten and im already ready for my day to end and even though i want to say tomorrow please be on your way i still havent finished what i started today.

My Daughter died on the 14/08/2014,on my phone i have an app that records calls ,i have at least 40 recordings of different people on it ,a week after she died , i heard her voice on checking found it to be coming from my phone ,it was playing one of the calls from her ,i had not touched the phone and out of all the calls ,it was her,this happened again on the day of her funeral,again  the recording of her voice went off on my phone and again i had not touched it,i was so spooked i diabled…