its so hard to go on with out my son, everyday is so empty and lonely. I cant think, sleep  and some times its hard to breath. I know in my heart he can hear me, but  I would give any thing to hear him again. to feel him. I pray hes with my mom and happy. I keep telling him to come home now, oh god  I know he has healed his beautiful heart, now send him back to me. please god don't let nov 5 come please, I cant do this, 10 months with out him is way to long, im dieing in side, my tears could fill an ocean, I just want more then any thing to grab his hand and go with him, to be happy one more time, I forget how to smile to laugh, to love .  I feel so unhappy, empty, lonely and alone, so very dead inside.  I love you shawn, I cant live without my beautiful son my baby. you are and always will be the love of my live. I know ill be with you soon, because I need you so bad.  night god bless my baby.  forever mom