Go home tonight ,pour myself a drink (vodka) watch some TV go online and go to sleep. Tommorow I go with my stepson to a buddist temple (hes american but honoring his mother thru a buddist cermony) we go 7 sundays in a row. Buddist cermonies are tedious(no disrepect) I like a lot that goes on thou.

I need to plant some trees she got . hang some of her clothes in the closet shoes by the door.I was thinking I would toss everyhting or give to goodwill(which I will )but you know…

Its like you have to keep going and going and going. There is no stopping no time for meditation,no time to be alone collect your thoughts.What a horrible thing for me to see my wife die because I said pull the breahting tube out. In your mind the doctors and nurses are lying about her condition.I really should be punished ,would that be more misery. I stuck by this woman who really at times ran be through the bowels of hell. Oh I craved the good times as they were .I never had structure…

I hope this is okay to share. My husband sent me this text message and it still brings me to tears, I feel so fortunate to have had someone love me like that, but my heart is broken:

"thank you for being the most giving person I've ever known, I don't deserve you but grateful beyond words"

He sent that to me at work when he was sick.

 today started like a normal day,did some errands,banking,got my haircut,went to get an eye exam,did the grocery shopping,went to the pet store.Things that were always a 2 person job in our household,I did alone.the hair dresser said Vince you lost a lot of weight you feeling ok.Well I lost 20 lbs but I'm still 5 9 and weigh 215.I wish I had someone around to talk to about looking bad.Putting the groceries away to feeding the birds was a 2 person job in our house.Cooking dinner and…

My soulmate passed away 2 1/2 weeks ago. It was a sudden, unexpected, horrible accident. The instant we met we both felt this intense, electrifying..gravitational force pulling us together. It was like time and sound stopped and all we could do was look into the depths of eachother's souls. We discussed it and both felt it. Due to many different circumstances, mainly our distance, we were only able to be together on occasion and thus didn't declared ourselves a "couple." We shared a very…

I lost my Mom unexpectedly on Sept. 2, 2011--my dog on Nov. 4 and my husband on May 6. I am unsure of how I am supposed to feel right now. I go between being "fine" and unable to speak because of the tears.

Just something I wrote for school...  Don't know if it's good or anything; just thought I'd post it anyway to see if anyone liked it!

Looking down I pick up a dandelion, make a wish and blow; the little seeds float to the sky, and past the clouds.  Sighing, I look around hoping and praying.  Dejected, I make my way home.  Opening the door, I walk over to the living room; entering my family room, I see you.  You’re young; still your four…

Hello everyone (( HUGS )) as per usual im broken and it is not getting better its worse and this time it was not  just  me but Sarah the 14 year old amber's best friend and sister fell apart something she had not done i think she was trying to be strong all she kept saying was it hurts so bad mommy i cant stand it i cant stand it mommy horrible we sat sobbed for hours , and there was nothing i could do to help her other then hold her rock her and say i know mamas i know its OK to cry she was…

Today, folding clean towels I realized I have stopped using one of my coping strategies.  After my son died I started carrying a facecloth in a sandwich bag in my purse.  When I would have a meltdown out in public I could go into any bathroom and sob into the facecloth.  If I wet it with cold water I could cover my face with it and it helped me calm down.  Then I could wash the mess off my face, soothe my eyes and tidy up before facing anyone again.  I never left home without that…

It seems I never fully get over what the Cancer did to mom....I drifted back to it today. She was the nicest women I ever met. She had very few whom disliked her. She believed you could talk out all your differences with someone. Witch is something I have never been able to do but she lived by it. She treated everyone like family no matter who you where or where you came from. She would have given you the shirt of her own back if she knew you needed it. To watch the Cancer just totally eat…

I'm turning to an online grief support site because I don't know where else to look.  I feel like everyone in my life is either too close or too far from what happened, and those who are in between are not around.

I'm dealing with a lot of anger and I think it's taken me a while to admit that.  But when people ask me how I am, or I consider this anger, I can only think: How should I feel?  Isn't anger one of the stages of grief?  At what point does anger go from grief…

I seem to miss my Dad more each day as I approach the one year anniversary of his sudden death. My Dad was a Veteran, but never fought in a war. With today being Memorial Day, I felt the hole in my heart deepen when I heard the patriotic songs especially Taps played at our community Memorial Day Ceremony. I have not heard Taps played since his funeral so it brought back the feelings from that day when the service members presented me with his flag. It may seem horrible, but I have not been…

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have…

Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love and total committent we have for another person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of our love. But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way..... Jason, your in my thoughts and I pray your at peace.

Grief and pain are the price we humans have to pay for the love and total committent we have for another person. The more we love, the more we are hurt when we lose the object of our love. But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way..... Jason, your in my thoughts and I pray your at peace.

 I have been married 34 yr. My wife is from Taiwan. I met her in New Mexico. 5 to 7 yrs ago she had to have dialysis. In the past year or 2 she has has had problems. One time she had a cardiac arrest. In the past month she went back in the hosp with heart problms. The hosp put in a pace maker and new heart valves.Since all this was done she had blood pressure problems which became more severe and breathing problems the breathing improved but then went bad. She developed some sort of…

Going through pictures for the first time since last July when I had to pick pictures for my husbands memorial.  This time it is to find those pictures of my husband with his kids to give to them on Fathers day.  How can something that used to give me so much pleasure now cause such a gut wrenching ache in my chest that I cant take a breath?  My heart really truly aches!!!!  Maybe this was not such a good idea afterall. 

MY NAME IS DAVITA. ON APRIL 9, 2012, MY LIFE WOULD FOREVER CHANGE. 2 POLICE OFFICERS CAME TO OUR HOME THAT MOURNING TO INFORM US THAT OUR 13 YR.OLD DAUGHTER, DESTINY MONEE SMITH, HAD DIED IN A FIRE. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT!!!!!!!!!!I FAINTED!!!!!!!NOT MY BABY. SHE WAS JUST STARTING TO BLOSSOM AS A TEENAGER, WHY SO SOON GOD? DESTINY HAD DIED OF SMOKE INHALATION. ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT IS MY BABY IN THE FIRE.......................BUT SHE DIED FROM THE SMOKE, SHE DIED FROM THE SMOKE. GOD DIDN'T…

I once told a woman I understood her pain when she told me her daughter was stillborn after birth. I had gone through a miscarriage years before and thought I knew what it was like to lose a child. Now, 11 years later I know I could never have understood her pain until I lived it. On May 2, 2012 I have gave birth to twin boys who died within hours after birth because I was only 22 wks and 2 days pregnant. I cannot wipe from my mind the doctor standing next to my bed telling me I had done…