Its like you have to keep going and going and going. There is no stopping no time for meditation,no time to be alone collect your thoughts.What a horrible thing for me to see my wife die because I said pull the breahting tube out. In your mind the doctors and nurses are lying about her condition.I really should be punished ,would that be more misery. I stuck by this woman who really at times ran be through the bowels of hell. Oh I craved the good times as they were .I never had structure ,goals.So Along comes this  woman,exerts her will and there I go .

Nothing prepares you nothing!! for pulling the life support from  someone,(like oh sure go ahead) uh uh you ever watch die just like that may 26,you go in the hosp in the morning and grim faced nurses and doctors tell you its critical. So its not everyday you can pull the plug on someone. (sorry angery) Iam not ever going to think about it. Iam numb,free from her rule.guilty.Was it finally suppose to end like that.Her being in the hospital was a break.Me always unde the stress of her. So how cruel. Iam tired here I cann,t even figure out if you can save this blog .woope saved it ! I think God sorts it out Iwil stand by his deision

Dave