Time is passing by and it seems to hurt a lot more than in the beginning. At the beginning I was in so much shock that I could not believe Danny was taken away. His life was taken. He was killed. Now, 9 months later, instead of feeling a bit better, I just feel worser and worser. It feels as if reality is sinking in harder. The reality that he is not coming back home. The reality that I no longer have him here with me and by my side during nights or in the mornings when I wake up. Reality…

 It's been almost 7 months since I lost my Mom. Sometimes I still can't believe I haven't talked with her in so long, and that I never will again. Being so far from home has made it easier to pretend that she's back home and fine. I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept that she's really gone forever. I feel like my life is still on pause and I have no idea where to go from here.I wish I could talk to my Mom about this. She always knew what to say.

 I still have a lot of…

A year ago last night, is when my life officially changed. The night I got a phone call that Dad was in the hospital.. collasped. No one would tell me how he was or if he'd be ok. Fly out on the next flight. I didnt' know how I would feel last night.. but I remembered more than I thought I would.  More than I wanted to.  It was like reliving that horrible night all over again. Then I didn't know that that would be the last month I would have with him. That for 2 weeks he was fine, and that 2…

It is so difficult to see another piece of history end. Waves of the past keep flowing over me. Memories. . . such good times. . . our friend Jackie will be missed as is her sister Paula each and every day.  Thank you, Jackie for remembering everything about me and all your smiles and hugs and always putting Jehovah first. It will be wonderful seeing you and Paula and making new forever memories together.

So, I've never written a blog before, never felt like I had much to say. I guess I still don't have much to say, but I have always written in journals and things like that to help me through tough situations. So I think I will use this blog to document my healing progress.

It has been exactly 8 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, 2 hours and 51 minutes since my best friend Nathanial Cavalenes passed away in his sleep. In all that time, I figured I should be okay by now. But I'm not. Far…

I can't believe she has been gone for almost two years now.  I'm still so emotional and I miss her so much.  Her children keep me sane, even though they moved to another state.  I really miss them too.  I'm very tired and can't seem to concentrate so I'll be back later.  My sweet sweet daughter, Brittany, I know we will meet again and I can't wait. 

HELLO EVERYONE,

I AM NEW HERE AND NOT SURE WHAT I'M DOING.

I LOST MY HUBBY ROGER TO CANCER LAST OCT.

AND I JUST GET SO VERY SAD AND LONELY.

JUST WANTED TO COME IN HERE AND SAY "HI" TO EVERYONE.

AND GIVE YALL(((((HUGS)))))

GLAD TO MEET YOU ALL.

Dorothy

Just a few minutes ago I was enveloped by a wave of grief. I know that it is partly due to me making plans to move closer to school and I am frankly lonesome today. It had been a relief for the last couple of weeks for the knot in my middle to have lessened in its intensity. Today I feel shaky and tired but I know like I know my name that it will be okay. It's just an odd day.

Today is 6 months since Candance was found murdered in her home.

I pray everyday for answers...........I pray everyday that the forensics reports come back.  I pray for the strength to make it another day........

I have had several conversations with the police dept............they fight me on everything...........almost as if they dont want to solve her murder.

I plan on starting a letter writing campaign to the Gov. of Texas.....maybe he can try and fix the mess at the…

How do you know if you need to go to a grief support group or get a counselor? I don't know what is normal. I barely get to work and then come home and take care of my dog. Sometimes call my sister. I prefer being alone and don't answer the phone unless it is from someone that also has huge losses. - My mom passed November 17, 2011.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my husband passing away. It feels like the last 3 years I've been stuck in a long dark tunnel unable to move forward or backward. They say "you only die once." But in my mind my husband has died 365 days a year for 3 years. It was to the point I couldn't sleep. The doctor kept upping the dosage of zoloft but there was no relief. 

This year, 2 days before christmas, I had enough. How much stress can a person take?  I lost my husband, I lost my job at the…

       I lost my friend to melanoma in Oct. He went very fast and the whole time he was in treatment,I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it,it scared the shit out of me. So I turned to humor and sarcasm to try and cheer him up. I was very close to him but I was close to his partner. Still am,and its not like I hung out with them alot but I was there in hospice when he was dying. He was unconcious and a ghostly shell of a human being.  It was powerful,emotional…

I am visiting with family and it is strange being here without my husband. I am glad that I made the trip; just really feeling conspicuous and a little tired. Lots more memories without him here.

Christmas was surreal but I was surrounded by love and it helped so much. I miss Michael still but it is not the knot in my gut that it was. I have…

My daughter and grandchildren came home for the holidays.  I knew I  needed to give her something meaningful of her dads and I knew it needed to be the sweater he wore so much the last month of his life.  It hadnt been washed and still has a feint hint of Tom.  It has been folded in his dresser since I brought it home the morning he passed away.  I would take it out and hold it and cry into it more times than I can count.  And yet I knew it was the one thing his daughter wanted to have.  So…

Warning. If you don't wish to hear anger, disappointment, a pity party, and down-right anger, stop reading now.

I am so sick of purging and packing I could scream. Everything has just come to a grinding stop.  I'm overwhelmed. Every time I go to the mailbox there is another bill I can't pay. I can never get ahead of the process. I can't seem to stay organized and continually misplace things.  I'm easily distracted. No family around, and acquaintances never offer any…

I always think now that i will never feek the best feeling in the world..my boys being born..i am constantly feeling the pain of getting the news that my sister died...i cant get over it its been 5 months and i remeber and feel the same feeling i got when i got the news...like my breathe was taken away my heart my sun..i dont know why..she was my best  friend but i would think that this feeling would come if one of my sons died not my sister...seems nothing is happy anymore nothing is worth…

Last weekend I went to do an angel card reading for a friend of my cousin. He had lost his wife earlier this year. After the reading we were talking about grief and loss. The next day I got a call from my cousin. Joe, the friend, Had gone to see a medium that morning and after getting messages from his wife, the medium asked 'Who is Ken?'. Somehow Ken used Joe's reading to send a message to me! Ken told the medium and Joe that he loves me very much, he is sorry for leaving early and he wants…

I heard humming upstairs,

like a moth against a screen.

I thought it was you;

I ran up towards the sound, a

pillow of warm expectations

clutched inside my pounding heart.

It was not you.

A fallen Christmas bulb

circled around wooden floors

singing in bright colors with

dancing, bouncing bells

I heard glasses of peppermint

martinis clink together,cheer in the

next room at a holiday…

Yesterday was one month for me. I feel kind of disjointed, but some very dear friends came over and we had a really nice day. Today has been sad and kind of bleak. I rested a lot and just stayed home. Thank you you Cathy for sharing your thoughts with me.

My son who is 8 years old now  gets to come to my place of work some weekends.  I work Security and part of my job is to view security monitors.  Today he asked me, "Daddy, can we put a video camera on the roof and catch Santa coming down the chimney?"  "I want to see if he really has reindeer and a sleigh!"

He was so serious when asking me this.  I had to turn away to put on a straight face and I turned back to face him and said,  "Nicki boy, people only see him at the mall, and by…