Three years in a dark tunnel

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my husband passing away. It feels like the last 3 years I've been stuck in a long dark tunnel unable to move forward or backward. They say "you only die once." But in my mind my husband has died 365 days a year for 3 years. It was to the point I couldn't sleep. The doctor kept upping the dosage of zoloft but there was no relief. 

This year, 2 days before christmas, I had enough. How much stress can a person take?  I lost my husband, I lost my job at the end of September,  I was having problems with my oldest son, the bills were piling up. I decided that was it. I had 27 gabipentin pills (300 mgs) and took them all. If I would have had more pain killers I would have took them too. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, I ended up in the emergency room and spent Christmas at Regions Behaviorl Health Program.  They put me on prozac. It was like seeing the light of day for the first time in 3 years!  

I no longer feel suicidal or that I can't go on. 

Views: 86

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Diane Grell on January 6, 2012 at 5:48pm

Anna

Thank you! I too am now glad that I didn't succeed!  However, at the moment, all I thought was I can't even die right!

Your right though, as many times as I told my doctor, zoloft was not working and he kept upping the dose? I had sunk so far into  depression for me the only way out was to die.

Also at the hospital they diagnosed me with ptsd and borderline personality. My husbands family were just plain ugly to me during his hospital stay and the funeral.

Comment by anna l. on January 6, 2012 at 5:32pm

Diane I am very very happy that you are safe, and you finally got the help you needed.  Why does it take such drastic actions to get a doctor to notice a person is in trouble.  I really hope you continue to reach out, and feel stronger each day.

Groups

Latest Activity

Profile IconDaisy adams and Wanda joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Wanda posted a status
"I lost my husband overnight that it happened so fast that I still can’t accept that he’s gone."
Friday
0 Comments
david karpe posted a status
"I'm wondering if Myrna is well. Happy new year to Myrna and everybody."
Jan 15
0 Comments
david karpe is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 15
Welcome Them!
Sasha Moshko posted a discussion

My Fathers Loss

Many years ago, I lost my father after his battle with colon cancer that later spread to his bones. The grief stayed with me longer than I expected. Ambrosia Behavioral Health helped me work through that loss, understand my emotions, and find healthier ways to cope and move forward. https://www.ambrosiatc.comSee More
Jan 14
0 Comments
Sasha Moshko left a comment for Sasha Moshko
"Professional help gives you a safe space to talk, understand your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope. It can make grief feel less overwhelming and easier to manage over time. https://www.ambrosiatc.com"
Jan 14
MELANIE WALENDOWSKY BAKER is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 14
Welcome Them!
Krystal Swinehart joined Jodi Denton's group
Thumbnail

Traumatic loss of an only child

I started this group so that people who have lost their only child or the only child that remained, as in my case, could come together because I believe people that did have a child or children who now have none have special issues.
Jan 12
61 Comments

© 2026   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service