I am visiting with family and it is strange being here without my husband. I am glad that I made the trip; just really feeling conspicuous and a little tired. Lots more memories without him here.

Christmas was surreal but I was surrounded by love and it helped so much. I miss Michael still but it is not the knot in my gut that it was. I have made some decisions regarding my future that I am at peace with and it has given me a big shot of hope.

Hardest for me are the nights without Michael there. I am not afraid; just lonely and kind of lost.

I think he would be proud of the decisions I have made; but even if not, they are right for me at this time. What's going to be hard is getting rid of things. I did donate his clothes and that was a positive for me. I kept some things that are warm fuzzies that still smell like him and I have my dog and cat and they are warm, furry critters.

People have given me messages of love and support all through the holidays and they are precious to me.

Hope everyone has a good beginning to the new year.

Brenda