So if you hear that one year is the magic date, I'm here to tell you that has not been my experience. If anything I find things harder than they were before. There are days I feel crazy. Okay one minute, a train wreck the next minute. Buckets of tears and a lot of pain. I miss Michael so badly and my heart feels like it has been broken all over again, or that that the healing that had begun was ripped…

I have come to hate retail valentine's day assaults. I thought it was because I'd miss not having Michael's special gift this year, and in a way I was right. It is the gift of him that I miss, not the things. I keep finding little things like text messages, notes and little belongings of his and sometimes this sadness just washes over me. There are a lot of changes with me; I am having to move and downsize my living space by 3/4 so a lot has to go. It's hard right now. Just wanted to say I…

Just a few minutes ago I was enveloped by a wave of grief. I know that it is partly due to me making plans to move closer to school and I am frankly lonesome today. It had been a relief for the last couple of weeks for the knot in my middle to have lessened in its intensity. Today I feel shaky and tired but I know like I know my name that it will be okay. It's just an odd day.

I am visiting with family and it is strange being here without my husband. I am glad that I made the trip; just really feeling conspicuous and a little tired. Lots more memories without him here.

Christmas was surreal but I was surrounded by love and it helped so much. I miss Michael still but it is not the knot in my gut that it was. I have…

Yesterday was one month for me. I feel kind of disjointed, but some very dear friends came over and we had a really nice day. Today has been sad and kind of bleak. I rested a lot and just stayed home. Thank you you Cathy for sharing your thoughts with me.

OMG where did that time go!?!

Met with a few friends from work to eat lunch. Made some tough decisions this last week, and got a couple of good grades in school. Glad today was not a yesterday. I miss my Michael.

I feel like someone turned my binoculars backwards and I am looking at a little bitty world but I know it's a really big world, and it is not the same. I feel kind of disjointed, sad, mad, out of sorts, and impatient all at once. I miss Michael! Often I have not so nice names for him because I think he was a jerk for leaving me like he did... then I feel guilty... and all of this grief comes over me and I just manage to say bad day to everyone who asks.

Today we went to Precious Moments, and all around me was living color, but the one thing that kept hitting me was the word GONE. Earlier today it was SAD. I miss you and I want your warmth and your arms and I can't have them. I can't talk to you and I don't hear you say "Honey Baby" anymore. My bed is empty and cold and my heart feels like it's been glued shut. I miss you Michael.…