I have been a christian for 18 years and have loved the lord with all my heart and been an active member of my church for that time. I have been through many trials and have always found strengh in God and my church family. At the moment though I am really struggling, I havn't been to church since January and have not been able to worship, I know God is with me and don't want to abandon him or my faith but there seems to be a barrier. I wondered if anyone on here has found this difficult. It…

I was overcome today with anger about my wife's passing.

A lot of it has to do with her Doctors.  I know it is easy to blame the doctors, and I have been told that nobody makes them take anything or put a pill in their mouth except the person taking it.  

Now hold on just a minute, because if it wasn't for the doctors just laying script after script out for her, plus bags and boxes of samples, maybe she would still be here today.

Can't some of these types of doctors get…

Joe was from Ireland and since his death, I have not spoken to anybody from his family apart from his ex wife. I feel like I would like to be in Ireland to be at the funeral. I feel like the family did not include me, I was the one there with him, since he moved to the island!! I feel left out. And I was also there with him on the night of death!!

It becomes even more important to me to have a memeorial for him on the island!!

My mom and her 3 sisters at our last family reunion last June.

I have been going to counseling for a couple months now I…

Just wanted everyone on here to know that I am thinking about you all.  

Was doing some research on death rates, based on 1 out of every 113 people in the world that died last year, there is 1.78 deaths per second, 107 deaths per minute, 6,390 deaths per hour, 153,000 deaths per day, 56.0 million deaths per year, 3.9 billion deaths per average lifetime (70 years).

I was amazed, had no idea, every second someone dies?  I always heard this but never verified it!

Just when…

Its the anniversary of steve's death today, but nobody really knew, so wasn't acknowledged by anyone but me, I am tired of grieving alone. Babs

It was back to school for Nicholas today, just starting 2nd grade.  I had so much built up anxiety about this day.

Not about him returning to school, but more of what was I going to do with myself.

We got to spend the entire summer together, since I work evenings, we had each and everyday to do whatever we

wanted to do.

So, after I took him to school, I went out job hunting to find a job with a 40 hour workweek.  I know, good luck with that huh?  

Later, I…

A few weeks after Ken's death, I went up to the lighthouse where he went to die. I read out loud some poems and words I had written - my version of a funeral service for him. It was a cold, blustery day and the few people who were there were in their cars to stay warm so could not hear me. After I finished and stood there for a bit looking at the lighthouse, the phrase 'free as a bird' popped into my head, and at that moment, a bird flew off the rocks up into the air. I felt that was a sign…

Whilst searching the internet for steve's parents memorial,( they usually do one at the time of the anniversary of his death) I came accross a link I had not seen before even though I have searched the same criteria for a long time. The link was for his haulage company that he used to run when I first met him. Intrigued I clicked on it and was then invited to obtain the company records which of course I had to do. However I was then very shocked to see that his company had gone bankrupt, he…

Today I watched a movie called Soul Surfer. It's a true story about a young girl who was a great surfer. While she was surfing a shark attacked her a bit off her arm.She wanted to know why. Why her? What could God possibly want this to happen to her.After mourning the loss of her arm, she picked herself up and tried to surf again. She failed. Then she went to a country to help with cleanup from a tsunami. When she saw the devestation she couldnt help but try to do something to help these…

Thought I would share another poem I wrote with you. I wonder if you can identify with it.

 Meeting you

Date and time arranged

I'd meet you at the tree

eagerly waiting for the time

when your face I would see

everything would be fine

when I was with you again

hours of missing you over

I would be with you then…

I like writing poetry and thought I would share some with you, I do find it helps me.

   When you died

When you died my life fell apart

How could anyone mend my heart

nothing seemed to be real anymore

of life I was no longer sure

I longed for someone to…