Just the thought of holidays coming make me sad, because he will not be here. It's so hard to believe that he's gone. I keep thinking, randomly, things about him and i don't even remember that he's not here anymore, but then i do and it sends a wave of shocking pain and sadness over me. I hate this... I just want to be better again, but I'd feel bad if i got over it, i know i would. But what else can I do? I know I'll have to be OK again someday... I just don't want it to be now. And the… Continue

The very first day, yesterday, was normal. Not too bad, not the greatest. A few people noticed my tattoo and said how they were sorry about it, etc, and some friends saw it for the first time in person and just wordlessly gave my a hug. I went and saw one of his teachers, saw one of my teachers that I unexpectedly left last year a week before school was over and talked to her a bit, that was the only time that day that there was any danger of crying, but i made it through without a drop, and… Continue

A few weeks ago, i was talking to Ryan about Robert again, and he said something that bothered me, and made me think that every time i talk about Robert, it bothered him. So i vowed to not talk about Robert to Ryan anymore, which is why i got an account on here, so i could talk and not bother him. But i dont have my real, personal person anymore, and it seems to be taking a harder toll than i thought it would. Today is 3 months since the accident, and it seems harder than ever. 3 months since… Continue

I'm up in Wyoming now, with me and Robert's blood father, his girlfriend and Jenna. I'm not used to being around them without Robert at all. And Sunday, when we came up here, my Nana (Kennys mom) talked about how she read this book just a few months before Robert's death and it really helped her with the grieving process and how i should read it too. Honestly (And this will make me sound like a shallow beech) if i didnt need the money she provides and will provide in the future, i would've… Continue