As Valentines Day approaches it will make 24 years since I have seen my little brothers smile and have heard his laugh. Does time heal all wounds, No.  Time helps, but the wounds still remain. The open wounds are now covered in scare tissue. The scare is still seen as bright as the sun in my uncontrollable fear.  Fear for my own children. At the age of 12 I lost my little brother, my little mister. He was 8 when he lost his life in a fatal car accident with my grandfather. My grandfather was…

 I remember the first time I heard it.  I had never heard anything quite like it before, nor since.  It was the winter of 1976-77.  My parents and I had moved into an upstairs apartment.  It always started around midnite, a low menacing growl. Like something wild snarling softly in the bushes. But then the sound would grower louder and more intense, until finally it had grown into the high pitched shrieking of something tormented, demonic even!  I would bury my face into my pillow until the…

Yesterday I didn't shower. Didn't even bother getting out of my pajamas. Realizing Friday what day that was a year ago seemed to open the wound. I wasn't expecting that. Wasn't even thinking that would be a trigger. It made me remember how everything was finally coming into reach. Something I've wanted all my life. Something Gary and I had been fighting so hard for.

I saw a picture yesterday from what looked like handful of years ago of one of my exes and his wife on her FB page. She…

12 Steps in Grief Process

1.RECOVER FROM A LOVED ONE'S DEATH REQUIRES MORE THAN TIME.

Yet, if we allow ourselves the time to mourn we can gradually break grief's grip on us. Recognizing the role and value of the grieving process orients us to accepting the fact of the death. Acceptance marks a major step towards recovery.

2.GRIEF IS UNIVERSAL - GRIEVERS ARE DISTINCTIVE.

Grieving follows a pattern, but each griever experiences it…

its so hard everyday to get up, I feel like the walking dead. I cant think any more, I don't dream, I just cry. my dr says the drepression is getting worse, I don't care, I just want to go with my son, this hell I live in  is killing me, I just want to go. to be happy with my shawn, everyone says you got the memories, well im saying I don't want them, I want my baby, I want to see his smile, his laugh, to hug him, kiss him, to hear his voice.  I pray to die,  to be this broken in side, this…

 Just that same old prayer, God, that you have heard cross my lips a thousand times--  please, please let her pass gently in her sleep...

July used to be my most favorite month of the year.  Me, my sister and best friend all have birthdays in July. I normally spent the whole month lounging beach side and having a great time enjoying warm, sunny days.  This year that all changed.  July turned into that dreadful month when I lost my dad.  My warm summer spat in my face on July 6^th.  My dad had a stroke in May and slipped into a coma.  In late June we were told that he would not likely be waking up and if he did, he…

Sometimes sadness turns into rage. Other times it turns to words on a page. Luckily for my knuckles, today I chose the latter.  Enjoy. 

This place is too familiar. I was sent here not too long ago. My heart was stamped with a life time pass that I never wanted. A membership to a 'Not So Amusing Park' where there is No amusement and No fun. There are long lines but so much loneliness... Only emotional roller coasters that seem to shoot downward…

 By last Friday, I felt like the grieving was eating my brain. I told my husband that I just couldn't take it anymore. It was either me...or my grief.  I told him I just had to go somewhere, anywhere that wasn't a reminder of everything I am grieving over. If I had my choice of destinations, I would have run away to a deserted beach by an ocean, like the lovely oceans in JO B's photos. But since the ocean nearest my home is about a thousand miles away, I had to chose somewhere else. So I ran…

I know i have one issue that i am dealing with...and that's in a part of my only son, who after a nasty divorce from his father, and an ugly situation..., my son doesn't want anything to do with me or any communications..so now i have to deal with the loss of my only son....how sad!

I feel for all who are suffering.  After 5 + years  I still grieve, feel empty after losing the only person who Loved,respected, supported me as I did him.   Married 46 yrs. We were a team.   Struggling  like all of you.  Loss  of  2/3   of husbands hard won pension  was a kick in the teeth, life savings  going fast , many bills,  illness, RX's ,  care taking,    Honesty, Fairness ,integrity  is lacking in our corp,  lobbyist, billionaire controlled country.  Bless you all 

I lost my husband in November 2015.  I felt so numb at first, now I just feel pain, sadness, sorrow and grief.  I live in a very small rural community (everyone knows everyone's business) and there is no support group here.  I work at the local convenience store and have a very hard time at work some days.  I know most people do not want to really know how I am doing, but they politely ask anyway.  Some genuinely care and ask.  I never thought losing John could hurt so much.  I wake up…

 I was with my friends last night.  And usually, when I am with friends, I am able to push my grief down deep inside and hide it.  But for some reason, maybe because I am feeling tired and suffering from "burn out", my grief decided to make an appearance in front of everyone. And there it was:  the big white elephant in the room. My eyes suddenly became like water faucets. Tears were streaming down my face faster than I could dab them away with a small square of tissue. And then, of course,…

this pain is so unreal, I keep waiting for my beautiful son shawn to come home, to phone me. its been so long since I heard his voice. god im so dead inside, full of hate and empty. why wont he tell me hes ok, happy, and with me everyday?  why wont he come back to me why? I pray everyday to die, why wont he talk me to shawn, why does he make me suffer so bad?my tears never stop, but my life is over,oh please give me my baby back,if theres a god  take me to him please