I was with my friends last night.  And usually, when I am with friends, I am able to push my grief down deep inside and hide it.  But for some reason, maybe because I am feeling tired and suffering from "burn out", my grief decided to make an appearance in front of everyone. And there it was:  the big white elephant in the room. My eyes suddenly became like water faucets. Tears were streaming down my face faster than I could dab them away with a small square of tissue. And then, of course, you have to deal with what I so 'daintily' refer to as " the snot factor". No amount of wiping with that little ragged tissue was going handle that situation, so I hurriedly made my exit to the restroom where I sat on my throne and balled my eyes out, deep wracking sobs stifled by me repeatedly flushing the toilet.  After about twenty minutes of this, I was all cried out and decided that I must return to my group. So I tried to repair my face. ( Thank God for waterproof mascara!)  As I took my seat with the rest of my friends, I saw their furtive glances in my direction. Everyone knew what had just happened, and my closest friends knew "why".  But as embarrassing to me that my " elephant"-- my little emotional breakdown--was, what was more humiliating was my friends reaction to it!  I guess they were embarrassed for me. So not a one of them threw a comforting arm around my shoulder or even sent a meaningful look my way. Instead, they avoided looking at me or saying anything to me the rest of the evening. My elephant embarrassed THEM! Maybe I could understand their reaction if I did this frequently, or did this just for attention, but I don't!  I am usually quite stoic around all of them.  Oh well! I am so sorry if my grief embarrasses anyone. (NOT!)  If my elephant steps on their toes, then that's THEIR problem!