It's Monday, and I hate Mondays--for two reasons now:  starting over another week, and my beautiful, funny, loving Mom passed away on a Monday. I was thinking, this evening, how much my life has changed since she died.  I used to put in a days work and then go spend the evenings over at Mom's. My husband was healthy then, and often worked till late in the evening, so I spent time with Mom, Dad, and my son at her house. We ate together, then she made us watch  "Wheel of Fortune " with her.  Sometimes Mom and I played games with my son, or leafed through family photos. We were always together, always laughing at something.  I thought those happy days would go on...but then my son grew up and moved away, and Mom's health began to deteriorate. I still spent my evenings with her , almost every day, but there was a bittersweet quality to them.  We still had to watch "Wheel of Fortune"--Mom insisted! And we laughed together at the silly antics of my wiggley chihuahua girl, Nicole. But there was a sadness...and a wondering of " How much longer do we have together?" As the days went by. And all of a sudden, it ended on Monday, April 12, 2010 when Mom passed away. Since then, so much has happened. Not even two years after Mom died, my husband was badly injured at work and became disabled.  Then a year after that, my best friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Then that same year another dear friend died. And NOW...I come home after a days work to a dark house. My husband is often already in bed, trying to sleep away the pain with a painkiller. My phone no longer rings much, with Mom gone and my best friend just trying to survive another horrible day in pain from cancer. Sometimes all she can do is just send me a text that says, "I love you, my sweet friend".  I dread the day when she's gone and I no longer get her precious texts. And my wiggley little pup no longer greets me at the door. She lays quietly on her blankie. She has heart disease and our days are numbered now. Just like it was with Mom. Sometimes I can't stand the silence.  This is not how I pictured my life at this age. I thought I would have a big, extended family and grandchildren around me. As it is, both my parents and my husband's have passed away, all within the last five years. My step daughters made grandparents out of us, but they live off in another state and told us if we wanted to see the grandkids, we need a Facebook account. ( I guess a photo we could actually put in a wallet was too much to ask for!)   This is a far cry from how I envisioned things...  (Sorry for the pity party!)