I lost my husband in November 2015.  I felt so numb at first, now I just feel pain, sadness, sorrow and grief.  I live in a very small rural community (everyone knows everyone's business) and there is no support group here.  I work at the local convenience store and have a very hard time at work some days.  I know most people do not want to really know how I am doing, but they politely ask anyway.  Some genuinely care and ask.  I never thought losing John could hurt so much.  I wake up crying, I go through my day crying, I cry myself to sleep.  I have had some really good days where I am happy and my bubbly self but the past two weeks have been a hurting hell.  I try not to let on how much I am hurt, but yesterday I posted a poem to him on facebook to let him know how much I hurt and miss him.  I miss him so much.  If it were not for our two dogs, I'm not sure life would be worth living.  We never had children, so our dogs are our children.  I still find happiness when I go out back and play ball for Frisbee with them.  I am trying to take care of myself.  I am eating, I try to eat healthy food not all junk.  I started to go to the gym and I feel better after a workout.

I just wish it didn't hurt so bad.  I just wish I could have him back.  But those are wishes and not all wishes come true. 

John had health issues and we knew his life was short and we did talk about him dying.  The one thing that meant so much to him was for me to be happy.  He always told he me wanted me to be happy.  I try to be happy, but he grief seems to over take that.  I know it will come back, maybe not every day all the time like before, but it will.