This past weekend my girls and I went to go visit daddy's grave. I did not have the girls go to the graveyard service on the day I buried my husband December 19th, but felt it was time. It is a very confusing journey for a 5 year old. My other child is 8 with special needs and non verbal. I sometimes don't have answers for her questions! There is no manual for this! The one question that stands out in my mind is "mommy? How come daddy was taken away from us so soon?" It's nothing but a knife to the heart, every time I think of the kids growing up not being able to experience the love and dedication and involvement he had in their lives! We have lost so much it's damn near unbearable! I have lost a partner who understood me, accepted me, loved me unconditionally, and dose to spend the rest of his life with me. Although our marriage was rocky at times, and things were certainly not all smooth sailing, I loved him none the less, and would give anything in this world to bring him back. Damnit! He was 38!!!! Mornings are the worst! Mornings are just a harsh reality that this is no dream, but rather the 'new norm!'