Another October has come, and gone. I prepared for the worst. I was ready to fall down, but instead I only wobbled a little. Is that a sign? Am I healing? Some days I have to wonder if I'm setting myself up for the big one. Oh well. I guess I'll take it as it comes. I feel different this year. I feel less fearful. I feel less depressed. I almost feel like part of the old me has come back. Is my heart getting hard or is it finally ready to accept the things that I cant change? In 2 weeks it…

I've been working at the daycare for a couple of months now. I was wondering when it would hit me. I prayed it wouldn't, but it did. I have a little girl at the daycare that I just adore, and she adores me. I love them all, but this little girl is special to me. When I look in her eyes, I see my Lil Del. They are the same color, with the same sparkle. She calls me nanny! She's just a year old so she doesn't say to many words, but she can say nanny! All the other kids call me Anne, but this…

Well here I am again. Hahaha! I sure had a rough couple of weeks there! But here I am. Truth is I don't want to be without you! I have decided that I need to be here, and I think you need me too, so here I am. I'd apologize for my madness, but I did learn a lot about me, and about others, and this stinky process of grief. However I am a bit ashamed of behaving like a child. You know it doesn't matter how long time has passed. When you lose someone you have loved, you always go in, and out of…

I QUIT. I'm done. I thought I could help, but I feel like what I say or write is wrong or hurtful. Today I hurt. I hurt as bad as I did the day I held my sweet little boy in a body bag all burned up. I also feel like I have hurt the ones I just wanted to help, and maybe give a little hope. When I  write it's not that everyday I feel good, and happy. I wish I had someone to shed a little hope for me so I thought I should give some hope to others.  What I didn't realize is not everyone is…

Once again October is here, and so am I. I have decided to just blog for a while. I feel like I am hurting peoples feelings by posting where I am in this process, and I would never want to hurt anyone. I just thought I could give a little hope to all who are hurting. When I was first going through this journey, I wished I had one person who would talk to me, and tell me that there is hope, and the light will shine again. I wanted to hear these words from someone who had walked in my shoes. I…