I have been befuddled over the passing of the 10 year old boy that was hit by a car last week. My grandchildren were in my care all last week so there wasn't much time for deep thought. Npw that I am alone now I'm having lots of thoughts about it, so I went to the farm for a little distraction, plus the grass out there really needed cutting. I brought my dog Zero with me. Zero's getting old and I want him to have a good summer. Anyway Zero and I took a trip to the farm. I buzzed around cutting grass. It is as high as an elephants eye! Around and around I went very carefully because when the grass is that high you never know what's underneath. I had my ipod on and then it started. My steering wheel wouldn't turn left. It would go right, and in reverse but no to the left. Crap! So I decided to try just going in circles to the right. It worked for awhile, and then Clunk! The lawnmower quit. I got off and looked down and there he was! A tiny beautiful baby fawn. Couldn't of been more than a day or two old.

Suddenly Zero(the dog) came running, and he has a bad reputation for chasing everything. I held out my hand, and said STOP! He has never listened to me before, unless I had food, but today he stopped in his tracks. I looked down at the baby fawn. I stared right into his eyes, and he into mine. a great peace came over me. A Peace I haven't felt since I parasailed in Jamaica a while ago. Back then it was a Seagull. I'm pretty sure I have blogged about that time. Anyway, the feeling was the same. Like a cool breeze that smells like fresh flowers. I shook. I shook all the 14 miles home. All I kept thinking was I saw God in that animals eyes. I wondered if I was losing my mind. Could it be? Is it possible?  Would God really come to me? Then I thought heck why not me! I thanked him as I drove home. I cried, but not tears of sadness, tears of joy because i'm finally learning and understanding, and accepting things. Even though I know I will always have those "days" where I could scream for hours. I also know that I will have days of love and beauty. Today was one of them! The picture of the fawn will remain in my mind forever! Belief is mine and nobody can take it from me. I'm sure now that God does show us signs. At least I know he's sending them to me. I just need to stop and take a breath, and listen. I must learn to pay better attention. Thank God! Had I run that beautiful creature over I couldn't of lived with myself. I am one of those people who cry when I hit a skunk! I can't imagine running over one of Gods most wonderful creatures. I sure hope his mother finds him!(the fawn) Every once in a while I get a day where I am a little embarrassed of how sorry I feel for myself. Self pity is ok once in a while, but not if it keeps you in a terrible state of mind. I guess I learned a lesson today! If I could tell a grieving mother one thing it would be to be patient. For patience is the key to learning and surviving. Peace!