I've been working at the daycare for a couple of months now. I was wondering when it would hit me. I prayed it wouldn't, but it did. I have a little girl at the daycare that I just adore, and she adores me. I love them all, but this little girl is special to me. When I look in her eyes, I see my Lil Del. They are the same color, with the same sparkle. She calls me nanny! She's just a year old so she doesn't say to many words, but she can say nanny! All the other kids call me Anne, but this little one calls me Nanny! I hold her, and say to her "wheres your nanny", and she would hug me and say as plain as day "nanny"! Next week is her last week at the daycare because her mom found a new job closer to home. My heart is broken. I'm sad she's leaving, but on the other hand I'm so glad I had the time I did with her. That little child made me realize that no matter what happens in this life there are gifts for me. When I held this child I almost felt like I was holding Lil Del again. It was like God saying to me I'm sorry about your child, and if I could've stopped his dying I would. So heres a gift for you in the eyes of this child!  I just started taking care of 2 newborns, and who knows maybe that gift will come again! Sometimes I wonder if i'm a bit of a freak. Oh well to each his own! Something happens when I hold, and cuddle the babies. For many years I didn't want to get near any babies, and now it feels so good to hold them, smell them, and love them up. I lived for so long with not wanting to love or be loved. With the dark clouds always over my head. But slowly but surly the light shone a little bit brighter on my good days. Before long I was having more good days than bad. I don't get visits from the boys, and I cant hear them speak, but I can feel their presence. Not always, but enough to keep my heart from totally stopping. Sometimes I wish I could've had the good feelings a long time ago, but then I wonder if I would've learned anything. I guess when you bury a loved one, especially your child you have to go through the grief because the love is just as strong and intense as the grief. I don't know. I do know i'm thinking too much because i'm getting a headache! Oh well on to another day!

Dear God, please let your comfort, and healing come to all who have to go through such terrible grief, and loss. Please help all open their hearts so they can be comforted. Amen