Another day has gone

I'm still all alone

How could this be

You're not here with me

You never said goodbye

Someone tell me why

Did you have to go

And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not…

**Sharing a feeling from back in June 2015...my wedding anniversary**

I have thought on more than one occasion, during Joey’s fight with cancer and after he died,

that I must be the brunt of some cruel joke orchestrated by the grand puppet master behind the

scenes in this realm I accept as LIFE.

Because why would you put someone so amazing, so completely captivating in some ones life

and then take them away. I blamed everything, even god, mostly god. I tried to…

I know in my heart you are gone but it is so easier to pretend you are working out of town.  Instead of facing reality that you are never coming back.  Having to deal with the loss of you is no way to explain.  Then I have one acting out cause he feels he lost a dad that day and I dont know how to put him back on the right track.  Then I have one that is beside herself and has hit rock bottom cause in all her life you was the man that stepped up to be her dad where everyone including her…

Article taken from Huffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-e-steinke/stifled-grief-how-the-wes_b_10243026.html

how can it be 3 years today, it feels like yesterday. my tears still fall everyday. I love and miss you so very much. I need you  shawn I always have. im so dead inside, so empty and dark. my life is over, im waiting for you to come get me, please hurry I cant go on much longer. always and forever   mom

In the 15 months that Andy has passed I've had many dreams of him, I even partly believe I have even experienced what some people call visitation dreams and also a couple of other strange occurrences, even though I admit too being a total non believer in a so called afterlife before Andy died, I'm finding myself becoming convinced that there is indeed something,  especially after last nights experience,  for the past few days I've been extremely down (well more than usual as I'm always down)…

I believe the following describes grief with all its ups and downs.  It was written by Ceci Frost:

The one thing you can predict when it comes to the journey of grief is that it will be unpredictable. The most random and smallest sound, smell, or sight can push you emotionally. It’s typically when you least expect it. This is when you realize that you have memories—some that you forgot about—that are attached to specific songs,…

how can it be 3 years on Saturday? it feels like yesterday when you went away. my beautiful son shawn. I miss you so bad . you are and always will be the love of my life forever. my depression is getting worse, I pray each night to die, to hold you forever. to hear your voice and to hear  MOM I LOVE YOU  again.  I tried to be with you but it did not work. I wont give up shawn, im coming home with you. my life is over the day you went away. im ready ,  I don't want to suffer any more, I don't…

Billy today is 16 days you have been gone.  No it is not any easier.  I'm still so angry and hurt by all this.  You see you were my world at home and work even though you didn't think so at times.  I'm angry cause I knew you went somewhere Saturday and purchased your whatever the heck it was(dope) and i didn't say anything I didn't even mention it. I found your phone and saw all the text of you purchasing it and from who this made me even angrier. I called this person and confronted them and…

I feel so depressed, today I am thinking off my dad and everyone that I lost through the years ... But for some reason I'm here blogging and listening to my dads music Michael Bolton one of mine and my dads favorites, after a long morning I'm just sitting here trying to be happy at this moment listening to music and trying to reach out to people that are going through the same thing .... I cant beleave its all most Christmas where does the time go ? .. I am not a big fan off Christmas my dad…

I feel so depressed, today I am thinking off my dad and everyone that I lost through the years ... But for some reason I'm here blogging and listening to my dads music Michael Bolton one of mine and my dads favorites, after a long morning I'm just sitting here trying to be happy at this moment listening to music and trying to reach out to people that are going through the same thing .... I cant beleave its all most Christmas where does the time go ? .. I am not a big fan off Christmas my dad…

I feel so depressed, today I am thinking off my dad and everyone that I lost through the years ... But for some reason I'm here blogging and listening to my dads music Michael Bolton one of mine and my dads favorites, after a long morning I'm just sitting here trying to be happy at this moment listening to music and trying to reach out to people that are going through the same thing .... I cant beleave its all most Christmas where does the time go ? .. I am not a big fan off Christmas my dad…

I feel so depressed, today I am thinking off my dad and everyone that I lost through the years ... But for some reason I'm here blogging and listening to my dads music Michael Bolton one of mine and my dads favorites, after a long morning I'm just sitting here trying to be happy at this moment listening to music and trying to reach out to people that are going through the same thing .... I cant beleave its all most Christmas where does the time go ? .. I am not a big fan off Christmas my dad…

I feel so depressed, today I am thinking off my dad and everyone that I lost through the years ... But for some reason I'm here blogging and listening to my dads music Michael Bolton one of mine and my dads favorites, after a long morning I'm just sitting here trying to be happy at this moment listening to music and trying to reach out to people that are going through the same thing .... I cant beleave its all most Christmas where does the time go ? .. I am not a big fan off Christmas my dad…

I feel so empty inside.  I am literally on auto pilot.  Going through the motions, and telling people what they want to hear, so they will stop asking me how I am, and go away. I know they are just being caring, but I am tired, and exhausted.  Too exhausted to keep explaining that I am not ok, I am dying inside, so instead I just say "Yeah I am ok."

Does it ever end, or will I spend what time I have left on this miserable planet in misery, and heartache.  Because I feel that…

William(Billy) the love of my life you left us so suddenly.  I know I have your memories and we had some great ones.  As i sit here watching the cursor on my computer blink Im lost I have no words.  Billy i know I got to spend some great years with you and I do cherish them.  Your laugh was infectious with many Cajun stories to tell.  But you see on October 16th 2016 you stole half of me.

I found you the way I never hoped to see you and Cas was with me.  We had to deal with the…