Billy today is 16 days you have been gone.  No it is not any easier.  I'm still so angry and hurt by all this.  You see you were my world at home and work even though you didn't think so at times.  I'm angry cause I knew you went somewhere Saturday and purchased your whatever the heck it was(dope) and i didn't say anything I didn't even mention it. I found your phone and saw all the text of you purchasing it and from who this made me even angrier. I called this person and confronted them and he lied and said it was pain pills this made me angrier.  I'm not familiar with that world(drugs) but I do know that when the statement says the G(gram) was x amount and I know this would get put before my son made me very angry.  I went hunting for you to tell you I could not and will not do this even though I love you I cant live with the drugs or sneaking around to get your fix for whatever reason.  Oh I found you but the drug you took already took you away from me.  So now I'm left with all this anger at drugs cause they exist, at myself cause I didn't confront you, at them for purchasing it for you and bringing it to you and for having a small child in the car when they run it from south to north at you cause you choose to use it.  Oh the devastation it has left in your wake I should be a walking crying mess but I'm not I did cry the day we laid you to rest and days before.  But you see after that Wednesday I haven't cried.  I jumped back into live or as you would say put on your big girl panties I did and do everything I should and be a responsible adult caring for a small child.  Yes I have griped at you and fused at you about what you did why you did it.  But what scares me is the 10 year old grandchild we have been raising since he was 2 feels like he lost a dad and how in the heck do I make sure he never does drugs.  I know someday he will know what happened to you Billy and how I just dread that day.  You made bad choices but you were a hard working man that provided for your family and loved us unconditionally. To me you are my other half that is lost to me the heartbeat I feel the Cajun twang with alot of spice and i can here you saying suck it up buttercup life goes on but I can't.  I'm not ready cause I cant get past the anger I feel.  I can honestly say I do not want revenge on the people who sold you the crap.  I do have ever want the law and God to handle it the right way.  I love you to the moon and back Billy.