I know in my heart you are gone but it is so easier to pretend you are working out of town.  Instead of facing reality that you are never coming back.  Having to deal with the loss of you is no way to explain.  Then I have one acting out cause he feels he lost a dad that day and I dont know how to put him back on the right track.  Then I have one that is beside herself and has hit rock bottom cause in all her life you was the man that stepped up to be her dad where everyone including her real dad didnt want to be  a dad.  So not only have I lost you and my world is shattering but our family is falling apart.  Then in our crazy world we reside in if you dont do what people think you should or grieve like you should they judge you.  The other child thought of you as a step cause you stepped up and showed them all love like no other now she is upset cause you want walk her down the aisle when she marries her man.  But you see me and her are having issues and are being judged cause we grieve our own way.

You see we found you and got a shock of our life.  We are going through the motions each and everyday but not coping we hide it inside to deal another day or never.

Billy I do know that I loved every moment I had with you even when we was arguing.  No i would not change one moment cause then it wouldnt have been you.  Your chair on the back deck we dont want anyone to touch it or move it.