today I was told im cronicley depressed, I now have 2 different grieving councelers, from 2 different places. I pray they can help me  even just a little. I cant remember a day when I was not crying all day and night. still that unbearable pain, still so lonely, empty, everyday I fight not to take my life, but I don't know why, to hold my son, to hear mom I love you, to see his beautiful smile and his voice  again that's all I want.im so sorry I have not been on to try to help others in…

if u sea spam block thm or report 2 diana

From what I read, there is no straight line through this hell and the only way out is thru. I don't know what "stage" of grief I'm in. It's become blurred after the height of the raw, suicidal, unbearable pain. Yea, I'm not crying every day. Yea, I'm not thinking as much about suicide. Yea, it doesn't feel like a nightmare I can't wake up from every second of existence. But I still don't believe this. I'm still unstable. I still can't believe he's really gone, physically, forever, and all…

I have heard it so often..."Your friends will disappear, you will no longer fit in with the other couples."  Thomas swore this would not happen to me.  He convinced me this would not happen.  But now that I've hit the 6 month mark, it has happened.  I've felt some of our closest friends easing away from me, but then I would see them and felt it must have been my imagination. No, it was real.  I believe the time has come that they must feel it more comfortable without us.  Time for them to…

Right now I have no other words that to say other than I miss you. Everything just keeps going wrong this year. I could really use one of your extra strong hugs right now. Watch over my cousin in the hospital. I could couldn't stand another loss. I love you Nick.

Am I the only one who feels my loved one sends me messages, hears his voice in my head and very occasionally feels the sensation of his touch?  For instance, I now drive Thomas' car and cars were Thomas' business.  He ran a European Auto Service Center 2 miles from our home.  Our car has been in the shop for 3 weeks and I was ever so happy to pick it up last week.  On my short drive home, an annoying, loud plastic sounding squeak began.  It was so loud over the radio playing, that I turned…

its been so long since I held my son, heard his voice. its all like yesterday for me. the unbearable pain still here. I keep telling my self he will come home, back to me. I cry all the time, waiting begging him to come back. its all my fault, I should have been harder on him, to take better care of his self. I pray to go with him everyday. waiting for him to take my hand. I cant go on without my shawn, im so tired, lonely, and still so  empty. please god hear my crys, take me to please 

dad if u wear hear u wud of laft yore hed off it ths pic i gt 2 day

u wud of laft yore hed off at it u wud of sed thy laft thr heds of 2 mush…

My beautiful husband died of a heart attack on May 17th.  He was only 53 years old and was the love of my life.  We didn't  have any kids together - only our dog.  Basically we were each other's world.  Now he is gone and I feel like there is no point to anything.  Get up, go to work, cry, come home, cry, go to bed.  At first I was numb now I hurt all the time.  I've tried…

I don't know what to do! It's been 2 months since Nancy's 

death and the pain is worse than ever. In the house I can't

escape the never ending reminders of her. The bursts of 

tears just come on out of the blue and I say the same thing

over and over "Why did you leave me?" "Come Back to me'.

At night, I pray to God to take me so that I won't have to

wake up to this relentless nightmare. Yet, I continue to wake

up, stumble out of bed and begin…

today I had to  end it with my sister, her heart has turned to stone, week after week hurting me, telling me to get over it, telling me to take pills to be with my son. I told her its a fight everyday not to do that but she said do it , go. im so tired, so much pain and hurt inside.  god help me please. I died the day he took my baby, now just take me to him.  I want my son back,  I need my shawn.

As I read through the threads and blogs of those we have lost, it only causes me more confusion.  I have always believed in a higher power, that there is someone greater than us in the world we live in.  I am guilty of being upset that the Lord has chosen to take away my mom but I have to hold on to my faith.  It's the only thing keeping me up.  Loosing my mom so suddenly to cancer after only being diagnosed a month and a half in to her treatment seems so unfair.  The sorrow that we're left…

This is an excerpt from a book another bereaved mom read early on, she had recommended it to our group...it was by a grief therapist of many years who had workshops for grief release..here is a bit of his (Francis Weller) book:

It is our unexpressed sorrows, the congested stories of loss that, when left unattended, block our access to the soul. To be able to freely move in and out of the soul’s inner chambers, we…

Our love dies and we will never be the same, life will never be the same. It's been almost 15 weeks/3+ months and I still don't understand how to do this. This hollow existence makes no sense. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm functioning only to exist. I still can't believe Gary is gone and that I'm living this nightmare. It is so painful. I feel like I've done and am doing so much to try and cope but I'm still so…

I had a dream about Nick again last night but I know that this time it wasn't a visitation dream. I dreamt that I was at a hospital and that Nicks parents were there and they wouldn't let me see him. That they were asking me what I was doing there, and telling me to leave. So I spoke to Nick through the curtains and I told him that I was there and I loved him and he responded to her parents that I was there because I was there for him when he didn't ask me to be there and I was the only…

There are so many things that people say that they think will help make you feel better when you're grieving-

"You're going to be ok."

"The pain will go away."

"You're not the first person to go through this."

My new personal favorite is "The year of the firsts is the worst".  Really?  I've now gone through my first Easter, Mother's Day, and my birthday without my husband.  My son and I am going to spend our first Father's Day without him, and you expect…

It started as a normal morning. 3 years out from that devastating afternoon when she lost all control of her life. She had suffered a massive right side stroke and had lost virtually all control of her left side. Her arm and leg had become swollen and purposeless.

Her arm, she always cared for with a gentle readjustment of position. I could do nothing beyond reassure her with my love and bring her chocolate ice cream and cans of chocolate…

My beloved Cherie didn't want a funeral. She wanted to be planted as a tree in the backyard. This coming Saturday we are going to have a memorial party and plant her ashes with a tree in the backyard. I am dreading the day because I really don't want to deal with all of the people that will be coming. Plus it will be another reminder that she is really gone. It is so hard to go on living. I hope everyday that I don't have to wait long to join my loved ones.