I had a dream about Nick again last night but I know that this time it wasn't a visitation dream. I dreamt that I was at a hospital and that Nicks parents were there and they wouldn't let me see him. That they were asking me what I was doing there, and telling me to leave. So I spoke to Nick through the curtains and I told him that I was there and I loved him and he responded to her parents that I was there because I was there for him when he didn't ask me to be there and I was the only person that tried to be there when he was in the hospital the last time he was there and he loved me. His voice was garbly it was hard to understand he could barely speak. After that his parents let me stay but Nick wouldn't let me see his face. I continued to remain by his bedside day and night holding his hand but not letting me see his face until I woke up.

I woke up feeling really sad because his parents have been so good to me and if it weren't for his mother's kind words through out this I don't know what I would have done. I had so many stupid thoughts after his death. His mother even though thousands of miles away has been my strength.

This dream was different than my last dream because I didn't feel him like I felt him in my last dream. My visitation dream I felt detail, I felt him.

Nick I love you, and I am sorry if I have done anything to disappoint you lately. I just feel lost and I don't know what to do. My heart hurts and I miss you. I get so angry sometimes still and then I get sad. I will never stop missing you. The love that I have in my heart for you nobody will EVER be able to replace. Te quiero mucho mi niño.