Melodie Gill
  • Female
  • Greenwood, IN
  • United States
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About Me:
I am nearly 50 years old, recently lost the love of my life and finding it difficult to define myself without Thomas. I am a medical provider and feel good about my work which brings me some solace and a feeling of contribution. However there is emptiness inside of me that makes the rest of my life seem bleak and narrow.
About my Loss:
Thomas was diagnosed with lung cancer May 1st and was relieved of his suffering Christmas Day, 2014-8 months, 3 weeks and 2 days after the news. It's still shocking he does not answer his cell phone nor return messages. He does not pull in the driveway at 6:15 nor does he ask me to "pop the kettle on" for his morning tea. I am grieving for my mate, my best friend and the love of my life. It makes the future feel empty when the memories are so spectacular.

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Melodie Gill's Blog

Am I expecting too much from our friends?

I have heard it so often..."Your friends will disappear, you will no longer fit in with the other couples."  Thomas swore this would not happen to me.  He convinced me this would not happen.  But now that I've hit the 6 month mark, it has happened.  I've felt some of our closest friends easing away from me, but then I would see them and felt it must have been my imagination. No, it was real.  I believe the time has come that they must feel it more comfortable without us.  Time for them to…

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Posted on July 11, 2015 at 3:57pm — 3 Comments

Communications

Am I the only one who feels my loved one sends me messages, hears his voice in my head and very occasionally feels the sensation of his touch?  For instance, I now drive Thomas' car and cars were Thomas' business.  He ran a European Auto Service Center 2 miles from our home.  Our car has been in the shop for 3 weeks and I was ever so happy to pick it up last week.  On my short drive home, an annoying, loud plastic sounding squeak began.  It was so loud over the radio playing, that I turned…

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Posted on July 7, 2015 at 8:49pm — 3 Comments

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At 3:57am on July 10, 2015, nicole irving said…

hi melodie thankyou for your beautiful message, i am sorry for your loss but makes me smile to think that i am not the only one who's loved one makes it quite obvious that they are still around. I was wondering if everyone would put me in a straight jacket! i hope you have a wonderful time with thomas' niece, family is very important. mikes family are in new zealand and have been as supportive as they can be for being so far away. his elderly mum even wrote me a letter telling me that mike would want me to strong and to let me know that i am still part of their family. keep in touch

 
 
 

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Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
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