There are so many things that people say that they think will help make you feel better when you're grieving-

"You're going to be ok."

"The pain will go away."

"You're not the first person to go through this."

My new personal favorite is "The year of the firsts is the worst".  Really?  I've now gone through my first Easter, Mother's Day, and my birthday without my husband.  My son and I am going to spend our first Father's Day without him, and you expect me to believe that next year I'll be ok with this?  That somehow in a year, something magical will happen to make me miss him any less than I do right now? 

I don't care if it's the first year, the third year, the fifteenth year... whatever year it is will not change the fact that my soul mate and best friend is no longer here with me to help me celebrate the little things in life.  He won't be able to get a Happy Father's Day card from our son or a home made present that he would be making in school.  He won't be here to blow out any more candles on his own birthday cake or get me a card for my birthday with a special message written by him inside of it.  How can anyone think that after a year this feeling of loss and heartache will just go away?

I have to stop myself from responding when I hear this.  I want to look at the person saying it to me and tell them to come talk to me when they lose their husband or wife and let me know how the year of the seconds is going for them.  We can meet every year to discuss just how grand their life is without their soul mate and best friend there to celebrate the holidays, birthdays, and little things in life.  I wonder if it would make them feel like I do?

The year of the firsts is the worst? Nope.  Any year without your soul mate and best friend is the worst.