Worst day since February 26, 2015

This past Friday (the 15th of May) was the worst day of my life since February 26, 2015- the day I watched my husband stop breathing in our driveway as the EMTs were trying to get him into the ambulance.  I can still remember everything that happened that day and every image of him turning gray is painfully engraved in my mind.  But last Friday is the day that I have been dreading since that day.  I was downstairs after having to punish our 5 year old son and could hear him crying hysterically.  I thought it was because he was punished, so I asked him why he was crying and he told me it was because he missed daddy.  At that, the tears begin falling even faster for him and all I could do was take him in my arms and try not to start crying myself.  I wanted to take his pain away.  I just kept assuring him that daddy loved him so much and would always be there to watch over us.  I even told him that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to bring him back if I could.  I continued to hug and rock him, kissing his tear streaked cheeks and letting him know that it was all going to be ok.  It has to eventually be ok, right?

 

 

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Comment by morgan on May 19, 2015 at 9:01pm

Oh Trina,  I am sooo sorry.  Your little one must have just brought everything to a very very raw place for you.  I cant imagine what it must be like to have to comfort a child while inside all you are doing is asking yourself why.  How did you do it?  You must be very strong to be able to be as consoling to others while your own heart is breaking.  I feel for you.  I hope it will eventually be ok for you and your son.  What a hard, hard thing to have to do……….

Comment by Valerie on May 19, 2015 at 8:44pm

Trina,

I'm so sorry for your loss, your pour baby. You are both suffering so much. I lost my husband, who was only 45 years old. I too watched him die in the ICU when a team of doctors tried to revive him. He was my life. We did not have any kids, that must be even harder in ways. You have to have the pain yourself and comfort your child.

I can tell you that I don't think we will ever stop missing them. I do think the crushing pain does get less as time goes on. And, grieving comes in waves. The first year they say, is all of the first without them. My husband dies on January 31st. It feels like yesterday in some ways and forever ago in some ways. I just miss him so much. We were best friends.

I'm so sorry for you loss and your kid's loss. I wish you some comfort and peace.
Valerie

Comment by Vicki jefferson on May 18, 2015 at 7:57pm

hi trina.   i have the same image's of my husband. he died march 1st. he was in the house when he had his heart attack. our grandchildren were here. they ask everyday for there pepaw. they are 7,5 and 4

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