shawn I miss you so much, you are and always will be the love of my life forever. I cry so much and pray you come to me, everyday is a fight to not take pills to be with you, im waiting for you to tell me to come.i pray its soon.there are times I feel you are  here  touching my hair, my arm. I sleep with your toque, your fave red one I made you. I can smell you in it. as I hold it tight each night I cry so hard, and I tell myself everyday you will come home to me.when you went away I went…

please shawn help me, I need to feel you . to know im not alone. to have a   stranger break into our home while I slept, and he took away   my laptop, my thoughts, my beautiful pictures of  you,  why, and how could  someone  take away what I had left? please show me you are here , holding me. my tears wont stop, but I wish  my heart would. im so afraid . you are the love of my life, my son my baby.  I pray  I get the computer back, but I know in my heart its gone forever. help me shawn …

last night when we were sleeping someone broke in stole my lap top. every pic of my son, every e mail he sent me.  god how much more, I feel so violated. he took my memorys.

today is shawns birthday, and easter and 15 months since he went away.  this weekend has been nothing but crying. watching everyone  having a great time while im dieing inside.  my babys birthday and I just want to hold him,  tell him hes the love of my life. no one in my family has called, im going to let balloons go and I asked them to come but no. it hurts but im getting use to it now.   to my son, shawn I pray you are with mom and I hopw with all my heart  you have a beautiful day…

oh god how I hate the holidays, there just to painfull.  shawns birthday is on easter this year, and it will be 15 months since he went away.  my tears will never stop. the pain will never stop. sunday I will let balloons go, I know he will get them, I know he sees my tears. I want to hear his voice to see his smile to hold him tight.  my beautiful son I love you always and forever, and I pray to be with you now. my life is over the emptiness is so painfull. please shawn have a beautifull…