wonder

everyday I ask myself, what is there to live for? theres nothing to look forward to, nothing to smile about, laugh about. I wonder why im here. without my son shawn theres nothing left. this pain gets deeper and deeper, my tears still flow everyday. I love him more than life and I should have gone before him, I want to go so bad, I pray to go. but im still here in hell with nothing but unbearable pain to live with. why wont he come get me? why wont he come to me? why wont he answer me?  no one can help me, no one will try. im so lonely without him, I love you shawn always and forever, I miss you so much each day.           mom

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Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 18, 2016 at 7:59pm

Kim, actually I have been sick solid for since the second week of March.  The trial ended the first week. It has been a severe chest cold, along with bronchitis. Had two IV's, and a slew of medication. I am just tired and weak.

At the time of my son's passing, we had many other passings in a row, and I started to find out about ADCs. I myself see that the life force/energy carries on. That does not mean however I am Okay with this all, I am just pissed off big time...with how my son's life came to an end. He was good and gentle.  The evil hearted people that stood over him that day -- accusing him -- to cover their own blackhearted lies and then they continued in that deceit with me and my husband fighting them all the way. And I would do all over -- again and again --  fight their lies and horrible hard-heartedness...it is wickedness. They will have their own to face at their life review...

I know that is why I have been sick. I have also found out that I have enlarged Thyroid nodules...I a unsure what that means...it could be nothing or it could be something...will find out next month at the endocrinologist.

Comment by Patty on April 18, 2016 at 11:19am

I just joined this site though I lost my beautiful daughter 5 years and 8 months ago. When I read this post it jumped out at me. This is how I feel even after all this time. I'm not saying there doesn't come a time when you can smile at something or have a decent moment. But the theme of my life is the loss of my Caitlin and she was always what I lived for. I see no point in the future without her. I know I will see her in heaven and that heaven can be a moment away but the pain is so bad. The doctors say I have "complicated grief". No kidding.

Comment by kim on April 9, 2016 at 8:52am

thank you jesses mom I sure hope so,  being away from shawn hurts so much. I hope you are doing ok.  thanks  kim

Comment by Jesse's Mom on April 9, 2016 at 3:15am

Hugs to you Kim. I too am waiting...those who love us will come for us.

Comment by Lima on April 8, 2016 at 7:54pm

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” 
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

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