shawn I miss you so much, you are and always will be the love of my life forever. I cry so much and pray you come to me, everyday is a fight to not take pills to be with you, im waiting for you to tell me to come.i pray its soon.there are times I feel you are  here  touching my hair, my arm. I sleep with your toque, your fave red one I made you. I can smell you in it. as I hold it tight each night I cry so hard, and I tell myself everyday you will come home to me.when you went away I went to, now im alone empty an empty shell, waiting for you to take my hand. I cant laugh or smile any more, I stay in bed all the time calling you to come get me. please shawn im suffering so much,  to much pain for a mom to handle. I want nothing more than to go home to you. I love you baby always  and forever ,take me with you, I will run to you, mom