For the past 11 months, I have been avoiding all that reminds me of my "new" reality. Avoiding, outings, family reunions, friends, events etc. Because that reality check up, hurts to much, creates anxiety, loneliness, frustration, anger, hate, you name it. The reality that I cannot change, the reality that my husband or daddy are no longer here with me.

However, there are times that I cannot control reality from punching me in the stomach. obstacles that trigger reality without me…

so this is where I get the chance to write all of my feelings. and i am going to do just that. For the past 10 months, since my husband's passing, I have been stucked in this house literally 24/7 besides going to work and buying necessities. Yesterday, there was a small get together for my husband's aunt, so after so much thinking, thinking, I decided to go along with My son... I knew that my husband would have wanted us to go, so that kept me moving forward with the plan. I took the step…