Last week I cleaned our garage. It was pretty bad. I hadn't touched anything in there for 4 years. That was the time we put most of Bens personal things in the garage that his roommate, and buddies brought to us. We had it all at the farm, and brought it to our house in town 4yrs ago. I guess my feelings are that you don't have to get rid of anything until your ready. I have things that I have had since Lil Del died. I will never part with those things, and that's OK! I knew I had to move…

I'm having a rough day. There's so much to do, but I can't seem to wrap my mind around anything. The headaches are becoming more frequent, and the nightmares have returned. This makes me so frustrated. The neurologist said I'm hard to treat because of allergies to most medicine. I don't know what to do. Lil Del keeps popping in, and out of my mind. His life, his death, worry about what's left of my family. All the things I normally have a handle on. Normal! What is that? I pray, but I can't…