Okay, I got some good ME work done yesterday but I am scared that I have a lot of work to do. It's the anger! Have you noticed that it's unacceptable to be angry? I'm mad and it's not okay to let it out in PUBLIC so I'm going to practice doing it here and hopefully it will help. 

1. I'm so mad that we had to act like nothing was wrong when mom got her ass kicked by cancer. We had never dealt with an illness in our family before, and both parents were healthy. It was bullshit…

I'm so tired and confused. 

Before I launch into my sad, I should tell you that for the first time since my father in law passed last month, I felt all the way back to myself normal over the weekend. The cabin (where we went) was a HUGE deal to me, because it is SO MY MOM. I mean, it's HER. It's where she lived, it's where her family is, it's HER cabin.  It is my mom, summed up in one spot. So I had tons of anticipation and missing regarding that, and got there and was FINE! It was the…

I have made a new friend, and she thinks that i'm a gift to her, but it's actually that she is a gift to me. Her mommy passed the day before Mother's Day, and she is the only child. So she is caring for her grief stricken father, and her husband is as lost as she is.  

She has started to notice signs from her mom- the most recent and awesome was when she was in an antique store there was a bucket of coins from around the world. She pulled one out which had a 10 on it (her mom passed…

I know I'm "too young" to feel this way, and I did not lose a spouse. I lost parents. Three parents. I was not the full time care taker for any of them, but I was a 100% support person for all of them as well as my dad and with my sister in law who was just about full time with my father in law.

What I mean to say is that for 3 years straight- and I know that isn't a long time in the scope of things, but it felt like a long time- I was helping with sick and dying parents and the…

I'm sure all of this is cumulating for a reason, a point, I will be pushed over the edge and give birth to a wonderful insight, or do something amazing with my Knowingness. 

But right now, I'm just drowning. 

It was mother's day yesterday, my first without my mommy, and the month anniversary of Mike's passing. Losing 3 parents in such a short amount of time is hard enough, without doing double firsts like we are now. 

My husband failed yesterday, but he is grieving also…