Well here is how fast this fall happened. 

Today was a great day! I told you. Just before. In the post JUST BEFORE this. Then my friend asked if I could go to the grocery store for her. I do NOT have panic attacks, but since all this loss, I FREAK OUT in there. It's stupid, but i leave in tears every time. And i usually never get everything i needed, because at some point i just have to GET THE HELL OUT AND AWAY. But I'm trying, right? I am nothing if not trying, so I said yes. 

That was silly thing #1. 

Silly thing #2 drove the nail in. My sister in law invited us over for dinner. HOW DARE SHE! hahahha, I'm laughing at me.  My bestest friends in the world are 2 of my sister in laws. And their husbands. We are all such a close family. But I feel not one ounce of connection with any of them. And being social does NOT sound like fun. In fact, it makes me angry, and i don't know why. Am i mad that I don't want to see them? I can NOT handle anyone saying the "wrong" thing right now, you know? and I really don't care about anything. They are putting my father in law's stuff on craigslist. Fun. Getting rid of more dead parent's stuff. 

Barf. 

I just feel like I will freak out being around a bunch of people that I'm expected to interact with.  And since I already went to the store (for the record, having a list does NOT help) for my friend, my insides are all I'M FIGHTING HERE AND TRYING- out. Done. Not going. And I feel relief making up my mind. 

I left my puppy home alone unkennelled while i ran to the store and she didn't pee or poop. That I have found yet. Yay her. 

But my mad is awake again.