I think I felt my soul expand to make room for the mad and sad. Because I feel BETTER but not because of a lack of mad and sad. I feel better because I think...I expanded. I can feel joy much better now.  I mean, I have not had to try so hard to LIVE in such a very long time. I am doing everything RIGHT, I am being outside and barefoot as much as possible, I am eating well and drinking my favorite tea and taking epsom salt baths and chanting NICE things in my head like I AM LOVE instead of the stuff that was running rampant though my head before.  I still don't get the point of being here anymore, but I guess that is okay. Maybe there is no point except to wake up and remember ...remember what? I don't know. I don't know the point. 

Anyway, I don't feel like running off the edge of the world anymore. I had to pull my energy in nice and tight to me and only let in the closest people, I had to stop worrying about how my sister in law is doing, how my sister is doing, how anyone else is doing and just hold on for dear life. I hope that was as horribly awful as this is going to get and that this is the other side of that nightmare. That was only a week but it was one of the all time longest weeks of my life! And maybe i should take up kick boxing to get the mad out. :)  Mom, Mike, Jane, I love and miss you. Maybe some time before earth our families all decided that you should go really fast one right after another because we didn't want it drawn out or something. I thank you in advance for the break. Please let this be a nice long break now before anything else happens.