So its been 1 year 2 months and 10 days...do I count? yes Time does help at times, other moments and places it hasn't made a difference, I still cry sometimes in church.

Time a healing factor? Not in my eyes for anyone that experiences a loss its all about how you handle grief. For one time may help, for another a remembrance may help, for another depression, for another family...

My thoughts and Pryers are with everyone that has experienced a loss..handle it your way, not what…

I pass that little white house alot on my way home from work. It may look like any other house on that Street to those who don't know the secret that lies within. The lawn is neatly manicured, the hedges perfectly trimmed. Several beautiful fat cats lay on the porch sunning themselves. And in the driveway is a slightly older model car that always looks freshly washed and waxed. But no one has lived in that house for nine years now, except the cats! Every day, an older distinguished looking…

Today was one of the final court hearings for my son's death in 2012. An inattentive driver, with a long history of drug use and violence ran him over. The DA suspected she did not want to stop and try to beat him across. She killed him while he was driving fully in his own lane...she ran him over in her attempt to make a hasty left turn. She had no insurance, third time cited for this despite it being mandatory in our state. Cops that showed up on the scene were too dumb to give her a full…

The one year mark is coming up. I haven't been able to tell yet how I will take it. Before today I felt like it wasn't going to be a huge trigger. I have not stopped reliving that day so I thought it may just be like every other day of this miserable existence. But in the last days of February and now March officially hitting, I just don't know. I may go down the black hole of my already existing hell as I have with other triggers. My sleep at night has gotten bizarre. Jan and Feb was no…

It's been two weeks ago today that I found my boyfriend in his bed deceased. I had this awful feeling all day that something was wrong!! I hadn't heard from him all day, and that was unlike him not to call or text me, and when he didn't respond to my calls and text, then I knew something wasn't right!!!! I was in such a panic the whole way there, praying please let him be OK!!! When I walked in and say him, it was the biggest shock of my life!!! my whole would stood still, in that split…

 Just a sad observation that I've come to realize:  some people would walk a thousand miles or spend a thousand hours comforting a stranger, but not a member of their own "family

Today wasn't a good day, so many memories. I can't even listen to my I pod. Songs are a big trigger. Trying to just get through, one day at a time.

You Never Said Goodbye

by Unknown

You never said I'm leaving

You…

I lost my Mum on 8th Nov 2015, she was my 3 in 1, my Mum, My Best Friend and the child I wouldnever have. I'm 43 and I in away gave up my life to look after my Mum (and Dad).  My Mum had MS from a very early I was to help with washing, ironing and making the tea.  So it was the life I knew. I always said I would be worth a watching when anything happened to either of my folks.  In 2013, we were called for ironically on the 8th November Mum had taken a really bad pnemonia attack and they…

the emptiness is taking over, a few weeks ago I tried to take my own life to be with my son, I wished it had worked. I need to hold him, see his face again. to go on without him, no I cant any more.  theres nothing left without shawn,  this loneliness is unbearable,  no one can help me any more, I just need to be with him, that's all I want. forgive me shawn, ill be with you soon, I promise,  love always and forever   mom

Hi,

My name is Lisa and I am trying online support for the first time. I have been considering it for a few weeks. I think I would prefer it to going to see a therapist.

I continue to wrestle and fight with is this concept of logic. I have been saying I can understand these things happen but tell that logic of "these things happen" to my heart as it can't understand. I see now I am fighting logic against logic. It is logical in this day and age to live out a life. It is logical to think that you meet someone who finally fits and you should be able to have the many years deserved, especially at mine and Gary's age. It's logical you should get sick, have some…

I really don't think I can do this much longer, I can literally feel my heart aching, i feel like i can't breathe, I never knew you could ever miss anyone so much, its killing me, I knew it would be bad but after 7 months I guess I stupidly thought maybe I wouldn't feel like im dying inside so much, I was so wrong, I don't know if I'm just having an extremely bad week but he's in my head 24 hours a day don't get me wrong, I want him there but I can't take it (well actually thats a lie , I…

I miss you so freaking much some days. Most days you are with me and in my mind everywhere I go, so many questions I ask as I look to the sky, and look at pictures of you, so many unanswered question, so much love and so much brokenness, so many many tears. …

I've just so had enough , the kids are in bed and it's just another night just sitting here, I have no intrest in the t.v, in fact I have no intrest in anything at all. I miss my conversations with my Andy, he always made me laugh he had a quirky sense of humour which I adored. When he died everyone said there will never be anyone like him, and there won't be. I work in the day so I'm kept quite busy , but these nights sat alone are killing me, the days just seem to roll in to one, I can…

That moment when you realize you are all alone. You have nothing and no one. No support or a shoulder to lean on. No chest to burry your face in when your eyes swell up from despair.  Only self-absorbed sadists.   I miss my family. I miss my dogs. I miss who I used to be. I have never felt so alone and sad in my life.  I wonder what kind of asshole I must have been in my past life to deserve this. 

I really don't know where this road of hell is leading to. Yesterday was 11 months. I'm still in a funk from last Friday. I don't know that I'm getting any answers. My heart still doesn't understand why he had to go. I still don't understand how to fucking do this. I'm so damn tired of saying it and living this heartbreak. But my words don't change a damn thing. I feel like I'm in the broken nuthouse. I'm on the roller coaster that has stalled in hell. I don't want to do this anymore. This…