god please help me through another dam holiday.  lights every where and I just cry, people shopping and I just cry. x mas shows on t v and again I just cry. how do I get through another x mas with out my son,  to fee so alone so broken and empty.  everyone says im so full of hate, I know I am but theres nothing I can do , its how I feel. everyone says to go out, im getting fed up with hearing it.  my tears fall so easy, so fast.  my heart is dead and will be forever.  if they would just try…

all the stores are getting ready for x mas, god how I hate it. I just don't go out any more. I hate seeing people so happy, I just want to scream. I can feel my tears start falling when im out.  most of the time I just stay im my room, crying wishing I was with my shawn. missing my son so bad. dear god don't make me go through another x mas please.  I just want to be with him, im so ready to go. I feel no one can help me, no one cares my family wont talk to me, my friends are gone, my  son…

dear god I prayed the fifth would never come.  how can it be 2 years when I remember it like yesterday. I cry everyday, I pray you will come back to me. this hell im living in cant go on much  longer, I miss you so very much and need so bad to hear your voice once more. how can this be  happening how? I want so much to be with you, to hold my baby again. shawn my life is over please take my hand, take me home with you. im so alone, empty. why wont god take me to you, why is he making me…