I feel like I have spent three years in a stunned stupor. My oldest son passed nov.22,2009. its coming up on thanksgiving this year. Its an emotional time. but I lost my little twin a year and a half ago. with the first one I learmed about wrongful death. there was no justice for bill. Derek was killed too this time there will be justice. He was doing community service with the dept of natural resources. he was sitting with two co workers on and front loader taking a break and sitting in the…

At this point and time I thank the lord for making me into a strong women. I am a private mourner. I have the strength to walk away from arguments. Losing two sons so close together. has been a living hell. I am on some really strong meds to help me cope with it all. My heart is shattered, I refuse to let other people get to me i don't explain my meds either. So they think I am a bipolar bitch thats fine, my finances too. i am refusing to raise my voice and have a screaming match over thing…

I don't understand any of this any more. I raised four children on my own. Now twoof them are gone I don't why i haven't drowned in tears. then it is how I think of nobody but myself. I know I have to move forward. Thats easior said then done. my boyfriend moved out,  He had cancer surgery 6 weeks after derek died.  The doctor has given me alot of pills to help cope with all this. Its a tool not a cure. to bad it isn't a magic cure and take all the hurt away. I honestly think I have lost my…