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Comment by Wendy on March 20, 2012 at 5:59am

Dear Susan,

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. You're among friends now though. With us you can talk about your son all the time, and we'll understand, promise. :) We do it too, talk about our loved ones all the time. 

There are different kinds of people, those who truly understand what it feels like to love because it hurts everyday when you can't be with the one's you love...and then there are those who will go through an entire lifetime and never really understand. Those who hurt everyday, are people who've CHOSEN to love and take the pain that comes with it. Then there are those who would rather hide from pain...and reject the wonderful rewards of love. It all starts off with love. If they don't have that, then they miss the understanding and the wisdom that comes from it.

Don't worry about thoughtless people. They are simply there to teach us what NOT to do when someone loses a loved one and how NOT to treat others who've been hurt. They are making us smarter, more thoughtful, more appreciative of those who do show kindness and never think it's been noticed. They help us to be cheerful yet sympathetic around others who are experiencing pain so we can lighten their load, because we understand how it feels to have people be thoughtless when we're suffering. Someday, when you're feeling a little stronger, you may be the turning point to someone else's unbearable grief, all because someone was thoughtless and hurt  you...and you understood that pain so well, you knew you would never do that to someone else.

See...from someone saying such an awful thing to you...I've run 10 miles ahead of everything in 20 seconds flat and Voila! Susan, thanks to some idiot who caused you pain, a friend is now envisioning you as the next future 'WOMAN OF THE YEAR!!!'. People who cause us pain seldom realize that we can use that pain to become better. 

Comment by Kathy S McBee on March 14, 2012 at 10:13pm

Yes, you're having anger issues. You're normal. Parents aren't supposed to outlive their children. Don't worry about anyone else's reaction to that anger. While I don't have my own children, I've had children by other parents. I pull for them every day of my life. Being a mom is just that. Just like my mom did for me.

You won't fit every job and every job won't fit you. That's OK. Be angry when it fits you. If you're angry with God, he can take it. If you're angry with you, forgive yourself. Let yourself be. Sooner or later, life will sort itself out.

Insensitive people haven't walked in your shoes. They're blissfully ignorant. I could wish you were, too, but you haven't been that fortunate. 

Comment by anna l. on March 14, 2012 at 8:27pm

Hi Susan.  I think its a good thing she said that over the phone.  She might have gotten smacked if she had said it to your face!  I know that would have been my reaction if someone called my darling son, the dead kid.  Ohhhhh, I am angry with you!  Im sorry your job didnt work out but maybe it is for the best if they cant have some compasion for all you have been through then you dont need that stress.  My fingers are crossed something way better comes your way soon.  It has been 2 years since my son passed and I dont cry every day, but some days I cry all day so I understand and care!