I can't understand why I keep having to learn that lesson over, and over! I'm off work today. Yep that's right I started my new job at the daycare center. I must say I do enjoy the little ones so much. At first I was a bit sad because the memories of the boys became so vivid in my mind, but somehow the sadness turned into joy. Joy because I did have the time I had with both boys. While I changed a dirty diaper, and played peek a boo with a wee one I was reminded that besides their death it…

I have been having a pretty tough time recently, as my older posts show. So I have had to do some serious soul searching, and I did not like what I saw. I saw a child throwing a temper tantrum because things didn't go her way. I saw a mother with a very broken heart, and I saw a middle aged woman doing nothing, to help herself. Worst of all I saw a angry, sad, and lost human being. I wanted every one else to fix it, or to help fix it. I couldn't muster up the strength or courage to do…

Since I first became a part of the group nobody wants to belong too, I have often wondered to myself, does anybody really care? or are we all here just trying to survive? Does anyone really live? or is this just like the hamster who goes round and round, and round? Every day I do my best to have a positive attitude, and everyday I think this will be the day that I get some time off from being a grieving person. I have good days, and bad days like everyone else. Sometimes I can cope, and…