im sorry I have not been on for a long time, for those that are new im truly sorry for your loss, to my friends that I have made in here I still feel your pain. I have not been doing to  good health wise, but I really don't care any more, I still pray every night to be with my son shawn. I cry morning noon and night, I feel my pain will never end, the emptiness, the darkness is so unbearable.to feel as lonely as I do is no way to live. I hope with all my heart you are all doing a little…

last night was the first time I had a dream in 16 months, and it was my son shawn. he came to me, he was wearing a white baseball shirt trimmed in red. he looked so nice and lost weight, and he still has his beautiful beard. oh that smile, on his face was so wonderful to see,  I ran so fast to him threw my arms around him. my baby came  to me he really did,when he starting walking away I yelled at him are you coming back,  I woke up to my t v  being turned on, I know shawn did that, I know…