It just hit me today at work that it was a month ago today that I last saw my wife Ariel, last talked to her, last gave her a hug and a kiss.  She'd said she was going to take off for a few days to sort some things out and would be back in time for going to her job on Friday.  I'd gone in to talk to her that Monday night (January 31st) to let her know that I was kind of scared of what would come of it but that I also still love her and would be here when she got back.  She seemed a little…

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I had no idea it'd be so exhausting going through some of Ariel's things.  I spent a couple hours today with my Mom going through the stuff in her office.  A lot of it was stuff that wasn't real personal to her, old work papers, some internet plans/schemes for work or making money, directions on how to market her business, etc.  Some was, though, and that was the hard stuff.  I found a card the people who'd adopted her daughter sent her about a year ago.  They'd been sending her a card every…

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This is the first day I've spent alone in the house since I got the news my wife had killed herself.  She'd been kind of pulling back and fading away for awhile, so it's not like there was a bustling presence that's now missing.  Still, the place feels empty in a pervasive, saddening way.  I go into the room where she spent most of the last year and see her stuff....but she's not there.  Getting breakfast this morning, I open the cupboard for a bowl and see her old blender and mixer.  The…

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I know it's only been a little over a week since the police came and told me my wife had killed herself. I know intellectually that it's probably pretty normal that lots of stuff is coming up, that random little things keep reminding me of her. I know that's going to be going on for quite awhile, as nearly 15 years together builds a LOT of connections and memories.

My heart, however, feels like each time I look at one of those things, especially the ones that blindside me, it's getting… Continue