Shortly before we got together, my wife gave birth to her daughter, and then put her up for adoption.  She'd known she didn't have it in her to be a good single parent and staying with the father....wasn't an option.  Every year since, around this time, she'd gotten a card from the adoptive parents with pictures of her daughter and an update on how she was doing.  In the last few years, one of the cards said that her daughter was starting to get curious about her birth mother.  As far as I know, she did send one card back with a picture of herself and some info about who she was.  But they never got to meet.

And now they never will.

Today I managed to talk to someone at the adoption agency and let them know Ariel's dead.  The lady I spoke with said they'd pass word on to the adoptive parents to let them know.  I also left my contact information in case they or their/her daughter ever want to talk to someone who knew Ariel well.  I know it's not the same as getting to meet her.  I'm afraid it's the best I can do.  I've got several friends who were adopted, and all but one said they'd wanted to know their birth parents at some point.  I'm guessnig that'll happen for her daughter, too.  Maybe soon, maybe not, but I'd guess it's going to happen.  And when that time comes, I at least want her to know there's an option left open to her.

It hurt making that call.  It hurt having that conversation.  I cried afterward and had to go out for a smoke to get it back together again enough to function at work.  I'm sure if the day comes that I ever talk with them....or just her....it's going to be hard, too.  Right now, it doesn't feel like I'd be doing it for Ariel (though I suppose that may change in time).  Right now I'm doing it for her daughter.  Ariel's the one who bailed out on all of us by taking her life.  I just have to live with what I do from here, and hopefully easing someone else's suffering, even a little bit, is definitely something I can live with.  Not doing it, on the other hand....isn't.  This already hurts more than I ever thought I could endure.  I'm not willing to add any more to that than there has to be.