I had no idea it'd be so exhausting going through some of Ariel's things.  I spent a couple hours today with my Mom going through the stuff in her office.  A lot of it was stuff that wasn't real personal to her, old work papers, some internet plans/schemes for work or making money, directions on how to market her business, etc.  Some was, though, and that was the hard stuff.  I found a card the people who'd adopted her daughter sent her about a year ago.  They'd been sending her a card every year around the date of her daughter's birth, jsut letting her know how she's doing.  That gave me the address to find the adoption agency.  Now just to convince them to help me get word to her daughter's adoptive parents that she's gone, and that I'd be willing to be a contact if down the line she wants to talk to someone who knew her birth mother well.

I feel utterly drained.  I've found myself shuffling along almost like a zombie since then.  I'm glad we got invited out to dinner by some good friends.  I was able to laugh some, and at least talk about just about anything but her.  Now that I'm back, though, I just feel hollowed out.  Kind of like the Energizer Bunny with the batteries dying, only hitting the drum every 10 seconds or so and barely slogging along.  If this is how it's going to be to go through the rest of her stuff, not to mention what's boxed up from trying to move and her car, I'm going to need quite a while to get it done without it completely taking me apart.  After we were done, I went outside for a cigarette and just cried, because it'd brought home all over again that she's gone and never coming back.