A few years back I lost the love of my life, my grandmother.

When I knew that she was sick and that she was going to die, I decided not to think about it, and ignore everything about her situation. The word "denial" became my name's synonym.

My grandmother and I were so close that I cannot even described it... She basically raised me, and my whole life was around her wellbeing.  She always said that me and my cousin were her favorite grandchildren, and we developed a special…

help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might…

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could climb the tallest mountain

And grasp the whole world.

As I got older and learned more,

I realized that some doors would close,

But that didn’t mean I’d be forever banned to soar.

Somewhere in the middle of then and now,

I lost myself to personal strife,

And almost took my final bow.

Luckily I regained faith and relearned what it meant to live,

Because I had almost lost sight of…

Today is such a hard day. I am going along and BAM I can't believe he is gone. His girlfriend came by yesterday and showed me a video she had made about 4 days before he died. It was a funny video called "My boyfriend does my make-up".  It shows him so happy with her and his funny lovable self. It was both wonderful to see and of course a heartbreaking reminder of the beautiful person who is no longer here to laugh with. He was such a beautiful boy and how I miss holding those hands.  I love…

Not looking forward to to august mom died aug 12,82 dad died aug 24,82 and my birthday is aug 15. ialways wish the month away. but this yr even harder because on the 14will be 5 months since my son died.

just thngng a few yrs ago wen my dad woz still hear thr woz a lotof swearng tht mush in th famly we desisd to hav a swear box so if we we saed a swer word we had to put mony in in it it got full prty fst but it still dnt cure our swerang u wud thnk on my dad sid of th famly we had ths swerng dese

wear we cnt hlp it but use a few swer words i no we cn al swear wen we hrt our slfs or wors

Weighing heavy on my mind day and night. What a useless worry that has become my biggest fear. In an instant it became my new companion. Will it's nagging go away or only get worse? Now more than ever it is important to live for the day, for the moment.

"Stay focused".

"Don't live your life with regrets".

What a day. I'm trying to get some help with my weight and my arthritis. I get such terrible debilitating migraine headaches. I know my being top heavy is causing part of the problem. I don't understand why I have to be the one to figure out what's wrong with me. I go the doctor, and instead of helping figure out why i'm having them in the first place, all he did was complain about how much medicine it takes to get rid of them. I figured out that my weight, and being so top heavy pulls on my…

I have had a rollercoaster of a week. I got scolded by a doctor because of a serious migrain instead of trying to find out why I have them in the first place. Then all the noise from the fireworks, and the people everywhere. Most of all the holiday itself. My kids loved the 4th of july. 2 weeks before the 4th, my kids would be the most helpful. They knew if they worked hard and did their chores and then some, that I would buy them each their own fireworks. They used to love blowing up cow…

Before Mom passed away I never really had a reason to think much about what happens after death or if there is a God. I was raised a catholic, but haven't been to church in years. I pray to God every day since Mom passed.

Now, the thing is that I'm not sure whether there's a God out there or not. Or if there is something more than life in this Earth. I do feel Mom, or have felt her a couple of times. But that could be me fooling myself. I can't be sure.

Even if there wasn't a…

i had a very strange dream it woz to weid i dremt i went bac in tim well i woz look at a foto in a dream tht i got took bac to yrs ago

wear evry 1 woz still a liv thy wear but thy wear all yong again evn th 1s it woz old wear lokng yong 

it woz all sistng at th tabel eating dringing in thiss rstront we wear i cant rember any of s bean in a restront coz evry 1 woz geting on…

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer Jan. 19, 2013. The doctors gave have a couple of months to live, 6 months to live if she's lucky. Well on Feb. 23, 2013 she passed away. I'm 37 years old and I was her only child. My girlfriend was helping me cope and deal with the loss of the most important woman in my life. Our relationship was damn near flawless. I had planned to propose to her on Christmas day of this year. But on the night of May 15, 2013 she had a tragic car accident…

My son loved the 4 of July and thurs the 4th will 3 1/2 months since he died it will be .a very sad week for me being alone.  I know i'm been alone for holidays since the divorce but this hard without my son Kris and I know my other son will be hard also so he wont want to talk that  day.I think I just stay in my pj and watch tv or movies all day. what a day.

This morning I was up at 7am! It's rare that I am up that early, unless I've been up all night. I was watching The Waltons. I usually do in the morning before I leave my bedroom for the day. You see I have had this fantasy about having this family for my own all my life.  If I could have afforded 7 children I would of had them. Now that I know how life can betray a person, i'm not so sure. That's why it's a good thing to not know what the future holds. I always dreamed that if you were a…

I had my first therapy session yesterday. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I thought I might get sick but this was long over due for me.

I was so beyond nervous that I had to call a good friend of mine. He has this amazing ability to 'talk me down' when I get worked up. He has been to a therapist of his own and he told me that the first session is usually the hardest because you're about to be brutally honest with a complete stranger but he reassured me that this is…

It will be 2 years June 26th that Mom passed. I can't even use the word "died". My life is such a struggle. I try so hard to be the best person I can be. The job I loved, as a veterinary nurse/tech, is now something I can no longer put my heart into. The women I work with UNBEARABLE. They have told the boss that I don't carry my weight. I was floored. Had a good cry this morning. My day off - I am crying. I have absolutely no one to tell me everything is OK. My family is so…

I have been befuddled over the passing of the 10 year old boy that was hit by a car last week. My grandchildren were in my care all last week so there wasn't much time for deep thought. Npw that I am alone now I'm having lots of thoughts about it, so I went to the farm for a little distraction, plus the grass out there really needed cutting. I brought my dog Zero with me. Zero's getting old and I want him to have a good summer. Anyway Zero and I took a trip to the farm. I buzzed around…

In two days my sister will have been gone from this world for 180 days. 6 months. Each hour we get closer to the 20th my anxiety builds. I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I have no appetite, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and I just want to disappear. People around me can feel the anxiety radiating off me. I know that Thursday will be just another day for so many people in the world but I desperately don't want Thursday to come. I know it will accomplish nothing and change…