help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might never stop. 

i need help really bad and i keep reaching out but im becoming a broken record to the few people i open up to, they seem to feel even more helpless in the face of my pain than i do. 

i just miss him so bad, thats my twin, we learned this world together, im never gonna be as close to anybody as i was to him. i was there when it happened and my brain feels bruised because of it. nothing makes sense to me anymore, not even music, which is the only reason ive gotten this far. im so lost, please help me