My head's been aching for two weeks straight now. And it's not your typical kind of headache, either. It's brought on by emotion, which feels so strange. I'm at this point where it's like... Should I not think about what it is thats bringing me pain? Or should I find a way to address the fact that my emotions are affecting me physically, now? It's hard to be like, "DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM...", especially when that thought process actually kickstarts head pain. It's like saying don't picture the color red, you know?

But what am I supposed to do? I don't know if it helps to think about him. I can't take it, so my mind instinctually changes the subject. The weird thing is that I know I could live this way if I had to. At least up until a certain point, you know, and I don't like feeling like I'm waiting for that 'certain point' to come. It's like you have to hit rock bottom for people to be able to help you.

Help is a weird concept sometimes. It implies that you don't know what to do and you need guidance, right? But then when you go searching for that guidance, a lot of the responses you get are, "What would help?" And it's like damn, if I knew that I probably wouldn't be asking for help. I haven't uttered a word in reference to my brother in months because it makes people uncomfortable and nervous, and that certainly doesn't help. And I'm doing so much, trying to take care of myself and all, but I've still got these headaches. So, am I waiting to hit rock bottom? Or is this what coping is? Damn.