Times have been pretty crazy and I haven't been on this website in months. Halfway through November my mother's absolutely beloved cousin Billy took his own life. I live in Boston but I went to Minnesota to spend time with his family and play music for his services. The next week my nana who has lived with me my entire life -who took care of me everyday until I started taking care of her everyday- passed away. I played music for her services too. Through all of this…

Oh man, so much at once... My stomach is in knots, I'm always on the verge of tears. I don't want this to be real, I just don't want this to be real. On the outside I still maintain a positive attitude and good work ethic and I try to bring that inward, but I'm collapsing inside. 

Yesterday I was asked to help make a page for my brother in the yearbook. We were in all the same classes since kindergarten, but I left our old school after he died. His empty chair was next to me…

My head's been aching for two weeks straight now. And it's not your typical kind of headache, either. It's brought on by emotion, which feels so strange. I'm at this point where it's like... Should I not think about what it is thats bringing me pain? Or should I find a way to address the fact that my emotions are affecting me physically, now? It's hard to be like, "DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM...", especially when that thought process actually kickstarts head pain. It's like saying don't picture…

help me please

im 17. i lost my twin brother 4 years ago. i loved him so much.

i feel like somebody pulled the ground out from underneath my feet.

i know theres so much to smile for, and i try to be the best person i can be, to stay positive and work hard and help others. 

but im sick to my stomach with this pain. sometimes i hold my breath so i dont feel as bad even if just for a moment. i feel like i could weep into oblivion, like if i started crying i might…