Hello.

So now, after a few weeks of first started with this process of cleaning my soul of hurt, hate and denial, I have gone through some lot of thinking and investigation about my grandmother's death.

Today, I would like to share it, and put into words what I feel and my reactions to the info that I got.

First of all, fort the first time in my life, I got the balls to ask my dare cousin why did my grandmother died. As I said before, I blocked all memories form her…

Death is a monster,

Death is pain,

Death is frustration,

Death is horror. 

I believe that the main reason why I cannot move on from my grandmothers death is because I do not understand what is death. To me, this event is so complex and surreal that I cannot cognitively understand it...

To me, things must have a logic in order to believe in it, and death is one of those ideas that I cannot find the logic on, neither the explanation- of why it…

So because I have decided to speak up and I am tired of keeping this pain inside, I have decided to write until I feel no pain.

Yesterday, after I finished writing my first blog, I realized that I should have done this long ago. However, I think that the reason why I didn't do it before was because I was scared of facing the true.

But now is different. Is like someone- or something deep in my heart is yelling me that I must to move on-

You know, I went to many therapist…

A few years back I lost the love of my life, my grandmother.

When I knew that she was sick and that she was going to die, I decided not to think about it, and ignore everything about her situation. The word "denial" became my name's synonym.

My grandmother and I were so close that I cannot even described it... She basically raised me, and my whole life was around her wellbeing.  She always said that me and my cousin were her favorite grandchildren, and we developed a special…