Strangely recently I caught myself in this repetitive loop of my mind taking me repeatedly to this GHOST PLACE. Well, a place I used to have happy moments with my mother. It´s a place we used to go have lunch or just relax having some pop to drink. It´s a pub at night, buffet at lunch time. Basicallty it´s run by a large family and open 24 hrs a day every day of the week. It´s just across my street, thus in my way in and out to other places. For about a good couple months I have been…

One thing I learned in the roller coaster there is to recoup, nearly NO ONE is the right company. Most don´t understand the triggers and after they see what does they blame instead of SUPPORTING and being a healing part of the process. I am used to lots of people wherever I go and do what I need to do. But when it comes from this emotional stage where balance is very fragile on my own, I had to pick wisely and be VERY SELECTIVE. Most people i the family are way behind and try one way or…

I remember when the family got involved in care giving after so many times they were called to help but couldn´t care less, in fact most had a LOT to SAY. But little DOING. But roles reverse, don´t they? I kept doing and all their critique was just lesson learned to do more and talk less. Because talk is useless around people who swallowed the truth in their tiny small little worlds. THE SAME PEOPLE finelly getting involved was that mess multiplied into one bad choice after the other. But…

Moving life forward is relative, isn´t it? Basically there is no point in getting into action mode until we understand WHERE we are going or WHY. In the many hard times and multiple losses in my life, I gained EXPERIENCE that life is not about who MOVES FASTER, rather who chooses wisely the DIRECTION they are advancing life TOWARDS. There are too many roads to take and much to invest of time, energy, and resources. In society, it´s common to confuse wealth with health, doing versus quietly…

Sometimes we suffer from wanting a lot things that are not to our actual benefit. I find most of the loops in our minds leading to acke for the lack of anything can be simply because we are not sleeping well. And because of all we went through, the mind goes back to what it was. But it´s not by facing the world´s crap or putting the face out there to get hit that we get anywhere GOOD in ters of life balance. In fact, it´s quite the opposite. Limit exposre and realize when exceds craptometer…

CAREGIVING versus GIVING SELF a LIFE. Being a caregiver can be quite draining. As I divorce myself from that situation and deal with OWN life issues and things...the path back is quite something. Everyone around got used to what I did for the sick one, and never really bothered to ask if it was ok with me. Not that I wasn´t there or didn´t have my own opinion, just that I held back and kept to the back of my head the thoughts and words which would not be of any benefit to that person elder…

The clock stops. It´s that time of the day to get lost and found in a realm of emotions by NOT neglecting. Just like letting the waves come and go until the waters can calm down. To allow whatever helps dig deeper that PEACE that can be hard to find outside our own SELF there. To find a level of interactions that arent just crap on top of a mountain of crap, you know, that limit that allows to reverse easily from bad to good, to actually start enjoying life some more and more. But because…

DETACH. When illness or whatever loss we face in the first person or else, we are forced to rethink what plans we had that will no longer work. Its like crying for what should, could, would have been IF that NEVER HAPPENED. Yes, the future of our PLANS change constantly shaped by the options in the PRESENT. Future is nothing more than lots of present time summed up. And the incident of loss is just a sometimes cruel reminder for connecting to the present and erase the projections and…

Ordinary life...back to the BASICS. What are the basic needs? Shelter, food, health, and build a life allowing loving people around us. All else that does not construct or build to that, is a waste of ENERGY and TIME. When one is hurting, they tend to relate to others on the same level. Meaning they are choosing to enter and build others up or whatever they think is good, not realizing that is just temporary relief. Because realistically speaking no one can stop each other hurt because the…

About TUNNEL VISION. Sometimes life is hitting us from so many directions that we tend to have TUNNEL VISION. Meaning we feel not strong enough to fight in all directions, and take the path of least resistance. Problem is that that is not the direction we would choose ever if we were to disconsider all the pressure. Thus we drag all this opposition and let this determine where we are going, and by dragging seems much like a person trying to walk with a bag full of rocks thrown our way that…

Sometimes life seems like a full bag of tons of emotions, and much like a vulcano about to explode is my daily life filled with drama like a mexican soapopera. But the drama attracts more of much the same. And all of a sudden reality is full of crap I forgot where I signed up for it. Well I didn´t. In my case it´s time to refuse answering phone or door and sleep, rest, restore by setting the pace to heal SELF instead the clear option which is to buy sides in dramas that aren´t about me at…

About VULNERABILITY. Sometimes we attract shadows to our light. Just because we are wounded, however, it does not put us in the must deal with whatever crap comes our way. Simply put, a LIE is a lie. One can dance around it, paint colorful, draw a heart around, etc etc. Nevertheless a lie that is forced upon as truth all really does is show a lack of character. Some peers can cross the line between right and wrong as if it never existed, and some do this like second skin. And however…

I am having a lot to cope. Mother ilness and my own, and family members not useful, quite the opposite. We switched care givers and their poor decisions put me in a bigger problem and I had to stop seeing her. I fought a lot and still dump some crap from time to time. Now I try to be quiet and restore some leve of peace. With my ilness I felt emotionally vulnerable. One step forward for 2 back and taking it a day at a time. But hard to hide well enough so I can find some balance between…